Got my groove back..

15km. Doesn't seem like much. Not in the grand scheme of things. But last night after lack luster performance I went for the largest walk this year. And it was awesome. I found my groove again.

Yay. 15km. 18 next week.

Happy New Year!

Another year has gone by. And what a year it was. Really low low's and some fantastic highs. I'm really hoping that 2010 will bring a lot more HIGHS then lows. Time will tell.

Yesterday I sat down with the family and gave them a pep talk. Its time. I have 6 months (actually less) to get my flabby butt back into saddle worthy shape. Which means a lot of family sacrifices. The calendar has been wrote out. I have my game plan. 3 days bike, 2 days run and 1 walk. Emily was very excited to help me with the run. Together we came up with me running when Bella was in school. Which means she gets to be in the jogging stroller with a blanket for 2 days every week. Which also means that she will get a lot of park time, because I'm not mean. If you have to run with me in the stroller, she'll also be able to stretch her legs after the run and go to park. So an excited little girl was she.

So that also means that you should get your checkbooks ready. I'm coming for you for a donation. Goal is high but the stakes are greater. Cancer sucks. This year alone, my dad died, 2 of my friends have cancer, and my cousins baby is now in remission (she's a whopping 2) So it can hit anyone.

Now onto the fun stuff, HAPPY NEW YEAR! May 2010 bring you health, happiness, success and everything you dream of.

Doing ok?

Maybe not. Maybe so.

I've decided to ignore my birthday this year. It's not a thing I'm embarrassed about, see I'll be 32, July 21st. And I'm happy about that but so far in the last 5 months we've done 5 family dinners and I can honestly say, I leave sad and angry. I don't want that for my birthday. I'm just postponing it until next year and I'm ok with that. Next year I'll be stronger. This year I don't want to have this big black hole where dad would be. So I'm not doing a family birthday with my mom/brother/sil etc, it'll just be me and a cake, and I'm ok with that, although I probably will cry, cuz It's my birthday and I can cry if I want to ;-)

I find myself starting this weird part of the grief pendulum where I'm sad and then fine in a space of 3 minutes. It's normal and I'm ok with it but weird things set me off. I was happy that I didn't have this overwhelming sadness on Dad's death-aversiry, July 8th but then when I realized I missed it huge guilt. Which is stupid, because you can't just stop living. Weird.

Training update: Walking tonight, hoping to get 10k in. Not much but have to start somewhere.

And the race is on...

5 days.

5 days until I do something pretty amazing.. (If I can toot my own horn)

5 days

5 days until all my training, sweat, tears, are shown to be truly worth it.

5 days and I'll join 1900 other people trying to chase a dream..

5 days.

Thanks for following this crazy ride.

Don't worry if you don't have saddle sore, because man I have it for the both of us..

5 DAYS

Cancer can and will be history in my lifetime. That's my dream!

4 Months ago...

Yep it's been 4 months since Dad Passed.

I actually forgot for a minute, but then I called my mom. She wasn't doing very well today.

It's funny. It feels like forever ago and then I'll see a motorcycle with an "older guy" on it and think, man dad would have loved to be here. He loved his bike. He was riding bikes, or so he said, before he could walk. That's unverifiable of course, but he was the ultimate in fishtalers.. He could spin a tale over anything.. You would think he was a genius. But really he just had a knack for cool (and sometimes useless) knowledge. That's what I miss the most. Besides his smile. He was always smiling. I miss the smile. I miss him.

But as we all know, life goes on.

I took a few days off because my quad hurt, but tonight I'm back in the saddle. Just a short 20k ride tonight. Tomorrow will be another round the city bike. I'm hoping for 105km. Wednesday will be another short 40k. And yes I know how strange that seems.

Have a wonderful day. Take time to call your parents and tell them you love them. Because you never know when you might not have the chance.

On top of the world..

Yesterday was my first "big" ride. It was a great one. If you know Calgary at all, you'll know we have an excellent pathway system. I was able to go from my mom's in the far southwest to the far north west (Bowness Park) on basically one pathway. Well it was 2 paths. Elbow River and then the Bow River pathway.

In my journeys through the city, I've found one thing that amazes me.. We have wonderful parks that I've never bothered to explore. Bowness, Edworthy, even Princess Island park. That will be my summer goal!

I can do it. And those hills, that are mountains will not stop me. I have a mantra now on the scary hills. Dad went through hell, you can bike a stupid hill. Ok there were some explicts thrown in there at the end of the longest hill of my life, but I didn't walk once. I stopped and took a break for a minute but I did not walk. Not once in the 100 kilometers. Yippee!!

I ride today for a short 40 k, and yes I know how short and 40 don't usually play well together. Run tomorrow. Run in the rain for the Underwear Affair on Saturday. Guess I won't be wearing white. lol :)

100 Kilometers!

Holy SHI$. I biked 100 km today. 5 hours 45 mins..

Yippee dippy skippy.

Motrin, bed, and praying I can walk tomorrow..

Training rocks..

So I'm knee deep, or should I say quad deep in training!

I'm pretty excited, actually I'm amazing fantabulously totally excited! I biked from my Mother In Laws house (Renfrew NE) all the way home tonight (Cranston), it was about a 45k bike ride and it was flippin awesome. It didn't hurt, it actually made me feel like I could rule the world. Jenny's gotten her biking legs! It just took a few months, countless kilometers and now I have not an ounce of self doubt over the Ride to Conquer Cancer. I can and will bike 200km. I will not just be a participant, I will be a RIDER. And I'm flippin excited. I have 3 more weeks. Bring it on!

The best laid plans...

So today is Saturday. It WAS going to be my strength training day at the gym. And since I haven't been since the last week of January, I was excited but a little nervous. Got everything ready to jump out the house to go last night..

Then I wake up to the sound every parent hates. The dreaded SEAL. The seal barking in my ear at 4:30am yippee. But not just a seal.. The wheeze, the stretched ribs, the just horrible sound. Off to the shower for a hot steam for B. Nothing. Didn't help. And it was getting worse. So at 7:30 decided that yep, off to the hospital for us. Spent 5 hours in either the waiting room, or the exam room to find out that yep she does have croup and its a yucky case. Luckily shes almost 5 so her airways are bigger so a round of steroids will do the trick.

So now my evening off will be biking for an hour and strength training at home. again yippee. lol

Oh the joys of children.. And by the way she's much better. She's less seal and more B again..

Well there ya go..

One week ago today, I had a daddy. Today I have a daddy who is in heaven or in a better place. I hope that he's in a better place. I've been dealing with the thought of heaven and hell, a good place a bad place. An ever after, or just gone. I don't know what I believe. But I do believe that dad is free of pain, hurt and anguish. The last 14 months we have dealt with so much. We have watched dad go from a very strong and vibrant person to a strong spirit and a very weak body. It has hurt so much to watch him be destroyed by a disease that should and could be stopped.

1 in 2 people will get Cancer; 1 in 4 will DIE from cancer.
That is so not cool.

That is the reason for this blog. This is the reason I am biking 200 + Kilometers over 2 days in June. This statistic is horrendous. I am just one small person in a sea of many but I feel strongly that I can make a difference. We can make a difference. I promise to do the hard part. Its my legs and my butt.

Training resumes tomorrow. Because WE have







Bring on the BIKE!

Pain is relative!

So today I woke up at 4 am and thought OMFG how do my fingers hurt? My entire body said are you out of your bloody mind? My butt is so sore that sitting is not fun (thinking about pulling the hemorrhoid pillow out) but again my motto will get me through. "The pain is worth it!"

I'm doing it for every person that has a loved one with cancer, who has lost a parent, a mother, a son, a daughter, a friend. I can do this and if I lose my baby tummy in the process, I'm not going to be sad.

Have a great Sunday! I'll be the one walking like a 90 year old lady.

Cruddy Day..

I'm having a hard time today. I don't feel like training, I don't feel like doing anything. I'm frustrated at Cancer and doctors. I don't get how you can look at dad, and although he's "ok" he doesn't look good. He looked worse yesterday then I have seen him in a good month. The only worse time was before the steroid was started at the beginning of December. He just looks tired.

He wasn't aware of who I was and although I'm getting more used to that it still sucks. Sucks the big one. The nurses were really happy with how he looks so I guess, and again I guess this is a good thing, that we have some more time with him. But really I think I'm tired. I'm so tired of watching this huge man, this guy who has been a strong and somewhat beligerent man get so weak. I know if he could know what he was like it would kill him. This is the cycle. Ups and downs. Ups and downs.. Maybe we are on the down of the last up, maybe we are really on the up going down. It is just so tough.

So there it is. I didn't train today. Actually my training this week has SUCKED. I walked Tuesday, ran Wednesday, and I'm hoping to bike tomorrow and have my crazy training session for my core on Saturday..