Rushing back

It all came rushing back.  Those emotions.  The hopelessness that you have when your parent tells you that they have cancer.  

It has been a bad cancer week for me.  3 more people I know have parents that are dying from this bastard of a disease.  2 dad's and a mom.  SHITTY!  

I remember hearing that my dad had cancer, and knowing that it was over.  I wanted him to stay around but I knew in my heart you didn't beat this disease twice, not when it had moved so much to other places.  I remember searching everything about stats and not finding one that was positive.  And then because I research I researched what happened next.  Progressions.  And I remember my husband saying STOP.  He's not dead yet.  Love him.  Tell him you love him.  Go over.  Talk.  Get your shit together.  And thinking screw you buddy.  But knowing he had went through it just a few short years prior so knowing he knew what he was talking about.  So I went over.  And I talked.  And we talked about the mundane.  We talked about my hopes for my kids.  He talked about his hopes for me.  And when cancer infiltrated his brain, we talked about the fact that Santa was on the roof (the wind was blowing, and he had cancer in the brain and thought I was 5) so we talked about Santa.  And I wouldn't do anything different.  I talked, he listened, he talked, I listened and on and on it went.  

So tonight when I went over to a neighbours house to give her money for the shave a head for cancer that she's doing for her dad .. it all came rushing back.  And I couldn't say anything.  So if she reads this post, which she might .. I'm going to say LOVE YOUR DAD, don't think of the stats and those crappy things.  Think of your most favorite memory of your dad and make a new one too.  And hold those two memories really close.  Those will get you through some very dark times.  And if, not when (miracles happen) you do have to say goodbye to your dad remember those memories. 

Cancer freaking sucks.  And dad, I miss you so flippen much!  But on that same tolken, we are doing ok!  

No comments:

Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Blog Archive

Subscribe Now: Feed Icon