Her saddest day..

We make decisions our entire life. Some we may later think back and think, darn not the best one. Some we will always think is the right choice. And some we honestly don't know if it was the right one or the wrong one and we just live with it.

At school, B is involved in a super program called "Roots of Empathy" and yesterday while discussing crying and sad behaviour of babies, the grade 1 and 2's were asked to draw a picture with a paragraph on what was "there saddest day".  B came home with her homework.  She had already drawn the picture - it was a bed with grandpa in it at the hospice, with her little sister to one side, her on the other and mom and I to the left.  We were all crying.  Grandpa was holding B's hand and saying "I love you".  That was her saddest day.  Her saddest day was when we were in the hospice 2 days before he died.  I had struggled with that decision from the minute I knew I would have to make it.  Should I, should I not.  Did I bring my kids to see their grandpa one last time?  Did they need to have that closure.  Did Dad need that closure so he could die in peace?  And now almost 2 years later I still don't know.  Did I make the right decision?  I think so.  Because yes it was really sad but on the same tolken even at the age of 4, Bella knew that Grandpa was really sick and he didn't look good.   So I wonder.  Did I make the right choice of bringing them? 

I can honestly say of all, and I mean ALL the decisions I have made in my 33 years that was the toughest and also the decison that haunts me the most.  Did I do the right thing?  Have I screwed Bella up for life?  Or although it was her saddest day, did it bring closure to her?  I guess only time will tell! 


Hypermama said...

Sending you big hugs. I know that same battle, we opted not to and its a regret that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.

One of those damned if you do and damned if you don't situations.

fullfreezer said...

I think it was a good decision. We can't shield our children from life... or death. I just wish we had lived closer to my in-laws while my FIL was dying. All the children were able to talk to him two days before he passed (We called him on Christmas day). Even just talking to him on the phone- they knew. But everyone was able to say their goodbyes and he was able to go in peace. Was it hard on the children (My youngest was 5 at the time)- yes- would I do it again- in a heartbeat.
Hugs to you.

Ana Marie said...

my brother was present for the deaths of every grandparent, and our dad.. he is 17 now... lost our grandpa when he was 4 and our grandma when he was 10.. in both cases his name was the last word spoken by each of them... when my dad passed he had been unresponsive for hours until his niece (8 years old)walked in.. he sat up fully to embrace her, smiled and said her name... it is an important thing that children can take with them as a meaningful experience.. they understand and cope with death better in the long run.. and understand how much they were/are loved... i think you did a wonderful thing.. and i wish more parents would do the same instead of "protecting" their children

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