We make decisions our entire life. Some we may later think back and think, darn not the best one. Some we will always think is the right choice. And some we honestly don't know if it was the right one or the wrong one and we just live with it.
At school, B is involved in a super program called "Roots of Empathy" and yesterday while discussing crying and sad behaviour of babies, the grade 1 and 2's were asked to draw a picture with a paragraph on what was "there saddest day". B came home with her homework. She had already drawn the picture - it was a bed with grandpa in it at the hospice, with her little sister to one side, her on the other and mom and I to the left. We were all crying. Grandpa was holding B's hand and saying "I love you". That was her saddest day. Her saddest day was when we were in the hospice 2 days before he died. I had struggled with that decision from the minute I knew I would have to make it. Should I, should I not. Did I bring my kids to see their grandpa one last time? Did they need to have that closure. Did Dad need that closure so he could die in peace? And now almost 2 years later I still don't know. Did I make the right decision? I think so. Because yes it was really sad but on the same tolken even at the age of 4, Bella knew that Grandpa was really sick and he didn't look good. So I wonder. Did I make the right choice of bringing them?
I can honestly say of all, and I mean ALL the decisions I have made in my 33 years that was the toughest and also the decison that haunts me the most. Did I do the right thing? Have I screwed Bella up for life? Or although it was her saddest day, did it bring closure to her? I guess only time will tell!
1 day ago