I'm very selfish today.

Sal is the godfather to one of his old friends oldest daughters. She is being confirmed today in the Catholic Church and I can't go. I emotionally can't. I had a babysitter lined up, was going to go but I can't. I cannot step into a place of worship when I am still so angry with HIM. I have read a lot lately about HIM that HE has a master plan. It might be new to us but it was HIS plan all the time. I am not at that place yet. I hope one day to get to that place but I cannot today. Maybe in a few months I can but for today I cannot. I don't like HIM right now. Yes that is selfish. But I don't. I am still very angry at HIM and although I know my anger will subside but for today I am angry.

So I am being selfish. I am sending Sal on his own to the church to see the confirmation of a beautiful young girl. I am sorry that I can't be there, but I cannot.

4 comments:

Amber said...

~HUGS~

Sonia said...

I don't think that's selfish at all Jenn. ((hugs))

fullfreezer said...

You are allowed to be a bit selfish. It's called 'healthy selfishness'. Taking care of yourself. It's something most of us need to be better at doing.
Hope you have a better weekend.
Judy

Jaye @ canadian-mom.ca said...

You're not being selfish. Have you ever read any of Sylvia Browne's books? I recommend "Conversations With The Other Side". It has helped me deal with a few passings. Take care, and stay strong.
-Jaye

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