It's been a month

And I'm not really getting any better. Actually I think I'm getting weepier. So the call has been made. I have a call into the Psychosocial counselors at the Tom Baker Cancer Center. Maybe by talking to someone it will help get past or 'compartmentalize' the sad thoughts. They probably won't ever truly go away but they will just come once in awhile not every day and really heavily.

I was talking to Mom today and saying that yesterday sucked. It really really sucked. She agreed. We had everyone over last night for supper because I didn't think we needed to be alone. And I think I was right.

1 month ago yesterday at 4:25ish in the morning all of my lights, the tv and the radio went on in our room. I'm confident that was Dad's final, I love you Jenny. And it sucks. I would give almost anything to have him back. But I can't have him back so I have to find a way to deal with it. Time heals, and I know that but man time is flying very very slowly. About a month before he died he told me I could grieve for 2 months. It was his joking way of saying life goes on. I told him last night that, that was quite optimistic and I don't think I'll make his deadline.

I read this obit, probably once a week. Its my dad through and through. I miss him so much!




Chris February 7, 1947 - February 8, 2009 , loving husband of Margaret; father to Jennifer and Matt; father-in-law to Sal M and A B; and grandfather to Izzie and Emily M, passed away after a hard-fought battle with Kidney Cancer, one day after his 62nd birthday. To those who knew him: On the 19th hole, raise a glass to him; on your motorcycle, enjoy the beauty of the open road; in your rose garden, nurture a rose for him; when talking politics, debate heartily for him; in your workshop, when you build it, build it well and build it to last; and finally, when with your children or grandchildren, laugh and enjoy them; but most of all live well, love much and enjoy your life. Chris and Dad - you will never be far from our hearts. Funeral Services will be held at St. Paul's Anglican Church (7 Sunmills Green S.E.) on Friday, February 13, 2009 at 2:00 p.m.




3 comments:

MrsETaylor said...

I am very proud of you for making the call Jenn. Do not rush yourself. everyone grieves differently and for individual amounts of time.

My thoughts and huge hugs are with ya as well as a cup o tea!

Love ya hun

fullfreezer said...

What a beautiful obit. Your father sounds like he was a remarkable man. Good for you for seeking counseling. Hopefully it will help. Hang in there.
Judy

Urbane Ones said...

Grief has no timeline.

You will think about it everyday Then one day, when you least expect it, you will realise you forgot to be sad for a day.

It will hit you like a ton of bricks and you will feel sad and guilty, but that is the way we grieve.

Soon, it will be two days and then maybe three. After awhile, remembering won't hurt so much anymore and you will be able to let go just a little more.

I understand how you feel...it sucks...talking about it will help.

(((HUGS)))

Hang in there.

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