Cold sweat

Running on empty the last couple of days. Went to bed at 6:30, yippee, right? Wrong. I woke up at 10 in a cold sweat.

I first heard my dad yelling at my mom for not understanding what he was saying (he knew what he was saying, we just didn't) then I heard him say "please, Margaret, I don't want to die in the hospice" then I heard him tell me "that it was going to be ok and not to worry", then I saw the bright blue veins that say he's almost dead, I heard myself say 'I'll see you in 60 years', then I saw him dead. Lying in the hospice room dead. DEAD. And finally because those others weren't terrifying enough, I saw the funeral home people come to the hospice and put dad in the black body bag (I had forgotten about that little piece)

When am I going to be able to remember my dad as the guy that is was my dad?

I can't handle the black body bag vision. I want my dad back.


MrsETaylor said...

You are on the road to healing Jenn. Everyone's grief journey is different. Please don't be hard on yourself. Let the time do what needs to be done. Some you will remember the good things that your father was, is and will always be.

I love ya, and miss ya like crazy.

greedygrace said...

Ugh. You poor thing. I feel your pain. I hope you're able to heal soon.

I came by to welcome you to SITS!

sandy said...

Those images will fade and soon you will be able to heal and remember all the great times!


Welcome to SITS! It's great to have you in the SITStahood:0)

Joy said...

You are certainly going through a rough time right now. I am very sorry for your loss.

You'll get lots of online camaraderie from the SITS group - we're so glad you've joined us.

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