Blech,

So I'm trying to get over the disappointment but I'm having a hard time. I'm also trying to remind myself that I raised $530 towards cancer research for cancer's "below the waist" like dad had. But I'm still bummed.

We left the Round Up Center just as the sky's cleared. Pretty awesome. I ran two k in really no time flat, I was gearing up for an under 1.05 finish. Then the worst (ok yes this is exaggeration) happened. I tripped. I tripped at the 2k mark and my quad crumbled. I had to make a decision. And I hate having to make decisions. I hurt. And I hurt big time. So I decided that the bike ride in two weeks was much more important than this run. So I walked. I jogged. But I didn't run. I told myself that I should just quit. Then I couldn't. I couldn't quit. My father, the strongest man I've ever known DID NOT QUIT. He never QUIT. He would still be here if cancer didn't quit for him. So I started crying. Must have been quite the sight. But it hurt. Man it hurt. My quad needs lots of work this next couple of days.

I finished in a crappy time of 1.20. But I finished and I'm very very proud of myself for sticking withit. next year I'll be a crew member on a bike pacing the runners :) because that I enjoy. That I can do!

Life without risk .. has no reward..

I could do without the hail and snow today, but you know I'm pretty darn excited about running tonight.

6pm .. 10k ...

I'm hoping for 1.20 or less. The rain might make me have the best run of my life. So we will see how it all turns out.

And for those just stopping by, Dad, I love you and miss you terribly. I'm running the Underwear Affair in honor my dad who lost his life at the incredibly young age of 62 to Kidney Cancer in Feb. Dad, thank you for encouraging me to do things that scare the crap out of me. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being my dad for 31 years. I love you and miss you so much. This 10 km is for you. Love you.

One down ... Two to go..

YIPPEE!!! I made my 'The Ride to Conquer Cancer' goal. I raised $5000!!! Holy smokes. I can't believe it.

Now I want to see if I can make my Goal of $7300 combining the Weekend to End Woman's Cancer and the Underwear Affair. If you would like to donate please email me at jsminardi@shaw.ca and I'll set you up with the paper form. Or to donate online click here for the Weekend or click here for the Underwear affair.

I am also in the works of doing a few little fundraisers.

Stamp a stack for Cancer through Stampin Up
A Pampered Chef Party
A Usborne Book Party
A Passion Party
And another Round of Coco Brooks Pizza..

I'll let you know more as details become available

I will make my goal. I will make $7500 towards cancer research this year. With your help, we can make cancer history! Wouldn't that be wonderful!!

I'm not paranoid..

I'm acutely hypersensitive. Yay! I've been labeled. woohoo. But it only applies to my feelings that someone else close to me will die and leave me alone. re: my hubby, my kids, my mom etc etc..

Therapy was good last night. Its so nice to be validated. I knew everything the grief counselor said but it was so nice to not really have to filter my feelings. And I'm not crazy. (well not totally) It's what I've been saying all along, I OWN my grief. It's mine. No one can tell me to speed up, slow down, to be happy, to be sad except ME and I'm not ready. I'm still pissed off. I'm still so freaking angry that he died. I'm still so pissed off at so many people including my dad. And that it's ok to be angry, mad, sad, pissed off at a dead person. I OWN that too. And man I own it!

I'm angry that I have to figure out how to fix a toilet, how to change my oil. Because dammit, before my parents went on that fateful trip to Phoenix in 2007 where everyone's life was changed forever, he said that he'll save me the trip to Mr.Lube and do my oil changes. Dammit where's my freaking oil change?? And I've been told that I can be pissed off at stupid SILLY things like that. I can be angry at my dad for dying. I can be pissed off at a disease that is so insidious that it doesn't care if you are old, young, man or woman.

On a really AWESOME note. Sal has signed up for the underwear affair with me. I'm so proud of him. Yay! Sal in a thong? hahahahahaha

Shameless plugging

So my epic (ok for me it's EPIC and Inaugural ) "Jenny's Running, Pedaling, and walking for a cure" begins in 3 months! Wow time flies! First up, June 6th - the Underwear Affair where I will run 10km hopefully in under 1 hour! Next up, June 26th to the 28th will be my holy crap I'm insane because I'm riding 200+++km in the Ride to Conquer Cancer. And finally but certainly not least I will be walking at least 30km (hopefully 60k with $2000 in donations) the July 24th weekend in the Weekend to End Woman's Cancer.

I've almost reached my goal of $5000 in the Ride to Conquer Cancer, I have half the money ($150) needed for the Underwear Affair and am really lagging on the WEEKEND TO END WOMAN'S Cancer

It's HUGE. For those who are new reading my blog, this is the reason why

I'll tell you why I'm doing this. Why I am doing this huge journey My dad at 62 years old died. He had a LONG (but actually very short) journey of Metastatic Kidney Cancer. By the time it was found, it had metastasized to his gallbladder, his liver, his lung and 2 other places. By the time he died 14 months later it had went into his bone, skin and brain. 3% of kidney cancer goes to the brain. This was my daddy's luck! It sucked. He had beat cancer before, was told that his 5 year margins were good. And there ya go. But one doctor flippantly said, see you in 7 years. And yeppers 7 years later we assume the cancer started again. 3 years after that my daddy died. Shitty luck. My dad's mom has cancer on her side of the family. That means that my 2 beautiful girls might have that gene, and because my husbands father died of Lung Cancer then they are really screwed. And so are we. So I'm fighting. I'm fighting because this way my kids have a chance to not get this horrible disease. I'm fighting so my kids don't have to watch ME or Sal die from this disease. You can't live your life in fear but dammit I can't let cancer win. So I'm going to RUN, BIKE AND WALK to get rid of this blasted disease.