Word of the Year

I was reading a friends blog the other day and she asked the question "What is your word for the year" I thought it would be easy. It was easy the last 2 years. But this year it is difficult. What is my word? My word that will help get me through tough training, tough days, tough memories? It has to be huge. It needs to be all encompassing. It has to be right. I'm picky that way. It has to be right!

So my word of the year ... will be healing.

Healing is not health. It is not acceptance. It is not feeling better. It is in my opinion, regenerating.

Where I was once lost, I will be found.

I. Will. find. me. again. I lost the cool chick. She's been so wallowed in grief, that I can barely find the trees from the clouds. I gained weight. I lost laughter. I lost fun. I lost playing with my kids. I lost listening to my family. I lost so much these past few years. And I want the girl that I was.

Before my innocence was taken. Before I was a half orphan. Before the one man I loved with all my heart and soul was taken so greedily from this earth. But its a fine line. Those things that I lost are also a part of me. I can't be Jenn without Jenn. It doesn't work like that. So I have to find a new me. Not a better me. But a person who is healing. It will take a long time to be healed. But if I can heal, I can be healed.