I've always been the good girl. I did what was expected of me, almost always. So when 3 months ago you told me that I was supposed to grieve for 2 months and only two months after you died, I thought it was a silly thing but I tried anyways. I didn't do it. I miss you, today I miss you a lot. It feels so surreal. On one hand it feels like you have been gone for years, and on the other it feels like just yesterday you flashed all the lights and tv in my bedroom as your goodbye to me. But no, today it has been two months. Only two. I still can't quite believe it.
You had such a remarkable life. You had so much to share. So much useless knowledge to pass onto my girls. I am still so angry that you were screwed. We were all screwed. I do believe that you were sent here for 62 years. That was the plan all along. You were sent for a purpose. To love us. To make us. To make me who I am. I also believe, although I can't stand it, that you died for a reason, and while I cannot understand the why's I do believe there is a bigger power. I do hope to understand it, someday. But for now I'm still angry.
We are embarking on our first holiday without you and I'm trying to decide if we leave a seat open for you. Silly. I am going to. I bought an Easter card yesterday and couldn't just buy a I love you Happy Easter Mom card. I bought the to my loving parents. Because although you are not here, I have hopes that you are still with us. I believe, I have to believe that you are watching us. I hope that you are not disappointed in us. Me specifically, because I am your daughter. And I love you. I will always love you.
You would be excited for my bike training. I walked as part of my cross training last night and it was good. Tonight I expect to do a 25 km bike ride. This is good.
I love you dad. Happy Easter.
20 hours ago