I'm not paranoid..

I'm acutely hypersensitive. Yay! I've been labeled. woohoo. But it only applies to my feelings that someone else close to me will die and leave me alone. re: my hubby, my kids, my mom etc etc..

Therapy was good last night. Its so nice to be validated. I knew everything the grief counselor said but it was so nice to not really have to filter my feelings. And I'm not crazy. (well not totally) It's what I've been saying all along, I OWN my grief. It's mine. No one can tell me to speed up, slow down, to be happy, to be sad except ME and I'm not ready. I'm still pissed off. I'm still so freaking angry that he died. I'm still so pissed off at so many people including my dad. And that it's ok to be angry, mad, sad, pissed off at a dead person. I OWN that too. And man I own it!

I'm angry that I have to figure out how to fix a toilet, how to change my oil. Because dammit, before my parents went on that fateful trip to Phoenix in 2007 where everyone's life was changed forever, he said that he'll save me the trip to Mr.Lube and do my oil changes. Dammit where's my freaking oil change?? And I've been told that I can be pissed off at stupid SILLY things like that. I can be angry at my dad for dying. I can be pissed off at a disease that is so insidious that it doesn't care if you are old, young, man or woman.

On a really AWESOME note. Sal has signed up for the underwear affair with me. I'm so proud of him. Yay! Sal in a thong? hahahahahaha


Rachael said...

i am so sorry about your dad. life isn't fair at times is it? just randomly unfair. that is wonderful that you are allowing yourself to really feel the things you feel AND be ok with it. it really sounds like your therapist is a wonderful one.

just stopping by today to wish a warm welcome to sits, we are thrilled to have you as part of the community!

MrsETaylor said...

Good for you Jenn, for ownership. Take the time that YOU need and know that I'm here when you need me.

Sal in a thong? Great now I'm gonna have nightmares of the gorillaman.

Jenn M said...

Thanks for stopping by Rachael,

and Erika, what the vision of a hairy Italian wearing a banana hammock makes you shudder, -- good because it freaks the hell out of me :D

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