Waves.

Its highs and lows.

Its happy and sad.

I have went for a good couple of months without being profoundly sad. Today is not one of those days.

I am sad.

I miss my dad.

I miss my dad.

I know I can't bring him back, I know I have awesome memories. But I can't stop being sad.

I visited a blog today, a blog about a lady who was 58, I believe. She had Kidney Cancer. I have been following this blog since before dad died. And I knew that today, I would read a passage saying she was gone. On Friday she had an infection. And I knew her body wouldn't be able to fight anymore. I was right. I am sad for that family.

So today I am sad.

I am remembering my final days with my dad. I remember so very clearly telling him that I loved him and that I would see him in another 50-60 years and that he could let go. I wanted to scream and fight and tell him to wake up. Tell him that this was stupid. He needed to fight. But then I saw my very sick, very frail dad and I realized he was the bravest person I ever knew. And in that second, I knew. I knew I had to say goodbye.. And it was to date the hardest thing I have ever had to do. So I said goodbye. But I hate that I had to.

I hate this disease.

So today I am sad.

I miss my dad.

I love you daddy.