Cruddy Day..

I'm having a hard time today. I don't feel like training, I don't feel like doing anything. I'm frustrated at Cancer and doctors. I don't get how you can look at dad, and although he's "ok" he doesn't look good. He looked worse yesterday then I have seen him in a good month. The only worse time was before the steroid was started at the beginning of December. He just looks tired.

He wasn't aware of who I was and although I'm getting more used to that it still sucks. Sucks the big one. The nurses were really happy with how he looks so I guess, and again I guess this is a good thing, that we have some more time with him. But really I think I'm tired. I'm so tired of watching this huge man, this guy who has been a strong and somewhat beligerent man get so weak. I know if he could know what he was like it would kill him. This is the cycle. Ups and downs. Ups and downs.. Maybe we are on the down of the last up, maybe we are really on the up going down. It is just so tough.

So there it is. I didn't train today. Actually my training this week has SUCKED. I walked Tuesday, ran Wednesday, and I'm hoping to bike tomorrow and have my crazy training session for my core on Saturday..