My simple life ..

My many resolutions.

2011-12-31T15:20:00.001-08:00

I have a rule about resolutions. Don't make'm.

I do however have year goals.

So here it goes.

I want to can/preserve something every month. More in the height of canning season.

I want to be a better baker. I want to challenge myself to do more and cooler baking. But still be mindful to my waistline. This one will be interesting without gluten or dairy, but I like a challenge.

I am going to bike ~~every day~~ as many times in 6 months as I can, to both get in shape and train for the ride to conquer cancer. (if you feel like supporting me in this quest go here Jenn's conquering Cancer)

And my favorite. I want to be a better drinker. No really. I picked up a book. It makes it legit. Uncorked! From what I've read, it's about the best wines under $25 that are sold in Alberta, I plan on going through a lot if wine. Lol

Here's the first one.

Happy New Year

My Gluten Free life

2011-12-18T06:01:00.000-08:00

Gluten free is tough. I've been at this for about a month now and for the most part it has been smooth sailing.. I never had that euphoric high with wheat that many people had. I didn't crave it when I wasn't able to have it. I wanted a good slice of toast but I was ok without having it.

I met BOB and all of his glory! Brown rice flour, teff, sogrhum, starches .. those have become my new flours. I've read books upon books about Gluten Free, and my life changing baking book RATIO which has helped me get out of volume measurements and back to scaling everything. I've learned that for the most part 1/3 of every cookie/cake/bread should be a starch beit Tapioca, potato or arrowroot.

I've also learned that dear god there are a lot of products with hidden gluten. As I've said before, read every label no matter if you think it should be safe because it doesn't feel good if you miss something. I missed "may contain wheat" in peanuts so that means there were probably traces of wheat in it and I was a miserable mess last night. I wasn't as sick as say the "natural flavored rice" the other night but I was a gassy, painful mess. So just read everything. Gluten free isn't hard, it is actually sort of exciting. You just have to get over the fear and your guts start to heal.

Read Labels

2011-12-15T21:27:00.000-08:00

Labels. You look for fat, calories, sugar, salt .. you may miss something but whatever it won't be a big thing. So you have a few more calories. Just make up for it the next day.. All is good. Or you can have a gluten allergy and miss WHEAT and be in pain. Guess where I am? So for people who may read this blog when you are new to GF here are some that you might not know..

Pre-Flavored Rice
Hoisen Sauce
Soy Sauce
~~Ketchup~~ check labels, heinz is gluten free
Oats

There are a lot of lists out there, but they are vast and huge. So the little things you miss. You get the big ones.. But the little ones, those are the suckers that will have you holding your guts in pain.

Learn from me, don't have flavored rice. Or make damn sure it doesn't have wheat in it.

Additional info.
Call, email etc companies they are more than willing to help you!

A new name, a new me?

2011-12-14T14:55:00.000-08:00

My old blog name wasn't really working for me.

The new name, isn't totally working for me either, so any suggestions would be AOK :)

Please excuse the mess while I change it up..

The list is endless.

2011-12-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

So we are trying to have a lowkey Christmas this year. And that involves homeade gifts. I don't sew (you don't want to see anything I've sewn, let me tell ya, it ain't pretty people) My art skills are limited to the kitchen. That's it. You know you will get either baked goods, canned goods, candies or yeah that's about it. That's my artist pallet. I love the kitchen.

I love creating an awesome jam with just sugar fruit and homeade pectin. A muffin, so what if it's really just a donut in disguise - I can do that. A cookie absolutely.

But you see now I have a problem. I still want to keep everything.. So I have to either part with my precious canned goods (and not just that weird nectarine chutney that has survived a few years and I don't like anymore) or make a few more things. I think I'm going to can a few oranges to make some yummy blood orange marmelade.

So my list, it is long. Cookies - just a few kinds. Canned, a few variaties and maybe a candy.. I have 10 days... Countdown is on.

A cookie experiment ..

2011-12-11T11:42:00.001-08:00

Cookies and baking are for me the lifeblood of this season. I start to pull out all my cookie books and magazines about October and then the fun begins. The selections, the choices. The girls get into it too.. They start with their stack of magazines and you can hear "yum, those look good" to "ugh pine nuts no thank you" (I personally love a pine nut but whatever) all the while selecting and chosing their favorites.

This year was no execption, however my diagnosis came before I actually started to bake. And I'm not going to lie. It made me sad. I love the smell of chocolate and the sweet smells of ginger and molasses while baking. Those are the smells of Christmas too me. Then I came to the realization that darnit I was going to bake - this wasn't a diet that I'm undertaking but a complete life change. So it was either me that wins or the allergy. And guess what the allergy is NEVER going to beat me. Never, ever. Period. End of story. I would bake some glutenous cookies for the girls and a few GFree ones for me. And boy oh boy am I ever thankful I did.

I've made some wicked good, raspberry coconut oat bars, some brownies (I'll post the recipe later) and then the fun began. The real fun. The part that I've been thinking about for years. That essentially every cookie is about ratios. Ratios, you know that thing that you did in high school and if you were like me kind of hated. But I knew that every drop cookie was a ratio of flour, sugar, butter and eggs. You can't make a cookie without at least three of these. I won't lie. My realization that this might be the way of the future for me ie changing the AP flour to GF flour came by way of finding the Gspot Revolution and the GFRally.. And lucky for me it was cookie month.

So I looked around my own cookbooks and thought well lets go easy. Lets go big. And I made a cookie I've been doing for a few years but changed it up. Changed it all to grams. Changed it to ratios. And darnit this is what a cookie should be. It's chewy, dense, chocolately and well a little coffee doesn't hurt either. This is the new way to bake..

Dark Chocolate Espresso Cookies makes 36 cookies

8 ounces chocolate chips, divided
200gram flour (20 oat, 130 brown rice, 20 Soghrum, 30 tapioca) I had left over oat flour so this is the blend I tried. Whisk together to make one flour..
40grams cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
100 g butter (about 1/2 cup), softened
300g sugar
2 eggs (100g)
1 tsp vanilla
1 tbsp espresso powder

Preheat oven to 350F
Melt 4 ounces of the chocolate (I use the microwave 1/2 power for 2 minutes, checking frequently), set aside..
In a bowl whisk together the flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt. Set aside.
Beat butter and sugar until pale and fluffy, approx 3 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time to butter. Mix in vanilla. Stir espresso into chocolate mixture and then beat into butter mixture. Add flour, mix until just combined. Fold in remaining chocolate..
Drop dough as big as you want -- I prefer small bites so mine were about 1.5tsps onto baking sheets. Bake for 8-10 minutes.
Enjoy!

My ratio was 2 eggs -4 sugar-3flour-2butter.

So yeah bring it on. :) :)

I cheated..

2011-12-05T18:34:00.000-08:00

BEEEP!

I cheated. I was told it would hurt if I gave it a go again. That my stomach was so used to the pain that it didn't even know what pain was anymore.

I was told that wheat and gluten hurt me ..

I thought it's one date square.

I hurt.

I know.

It won't happen again.

Gluten Free Pumpkin Muffins

2011-12-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

I've been searching the blog universe lately, trying to find some exciting recipes that would be easy and hopefully yummy..

I found a blog Gluten Free Goddess that inspired me to make some muffins. I made a variation of her GF Pumpkin Streusel Muffins and I think they turned out pretty darn good.. It's a variation because well I didn't have half the ingredients so basically I used it as a jumping off spot.

Ingredients:
1 cup brown rice flour
1/2 cup potato starch
1/2 cup flax meal
1/2 cup coconut flour
1 1/4 cup light brown sugar
2 tsps baking powder (I know it has a bit of gluten in it but you can get GF -- I just haven't yet)
1 tsp xanthum gum
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1/4 canola oil
2 large eggs
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 tbsp vanilla
1 cup chopped walnuts
water to texture

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350F. Line 12 cup muffin tin with liners

In a large mixing bowl, whisk together dry ingredients. Add in the oil and beat until crumbly. Add in the eggs, pumpkin and vanilla and beat until the batter is smooth -- I had to add about 2tbsp of water because it looked a bit dry.

Spoon the batter into twelve muffins cups, filling them close to the top.

Bake in the center of the oven until domed and firm. About 18-20 minutes.

Serve warm with butter. Yummo!

Eating out..

2011-12-03T20:32:00.000-08:00

We had Sal's companies Christmas party last night and I was concerned.

Was I the girl that was just going to be able to eat vegi's. Should I just eat before? The questions just kept coming in my brain..

We got there, and yup. I don't think I'll be able to go out very often. Which in reality is probably a good thing. It's healthier, cheaper (which we'll need since GF is not cheap) and really I like cooking so this will be a good thing.

I did eat vegi's. And salmon. And oh wait .. salad. I had fruit and cheese for dessert.

Today we went to Earls -- we had a gift card and no kids, and same thing. 1 thing besides salad I could eat that was of a lighter fare. If I could eat beef it might be a bit different but I can't so my choices were limited to salad, a rice curry and roast chicken.. I could be more vocal and ask lots of questions but really I think I'll just stick to home.

Lesson learned. And I survived.

And again we go..

2011-12-01T17:56:00.001-08:00

I have been debating off and on the last 4 months if I was going to ride in this years Ride to Conquer cancer. Humming and hawing and I couldn't decide.

I decided. I'm going to bike again. 200 short kilometers uphill BOTH ways, hopefully not through rain but whatever..

So woohoo.

Get my butt on the bike will begin January 1..

Oh and I tried a store bought GF pizza today.. Not the worst thing I've ever tasted. Not the best either so I think it's time to start experimenting with flavours and textures and baking again..

Oh my .. oh my..

2011-11-30T19:56:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I've written in this here blog..

Times have changed, kids have changed, I've changed, we have all changed.. Profound I know..

I don't know the direction that this blog will be taking, but I think I'll start with MY LIFE now.

I have been diagnosed as Gluten Intolerant.  Did you know Gluten is in freaking EVERYTHING!! NO seriously, everything!!  From sausages (I have found that Spolumbo's here is gluten free), to soy sauce, to ketchup and salad dressings. It's in beef stock, imitation crab - these two are just information since I don't use either but still and it's hidden in so much more. It's a whole new world. And I have to say a bit scary.. I have never been so intimidated to go into a grocery store before. I was always a read the label kinda gal but now it is a matter of pain or now pain. And I'll take no pain please! So I'll become an old pro soon, but for now it's a brand new world.

I haven't experimented with all the new flours that I've never heard of Coconut, bean, potato, etc and I'm on the hunt for Xanthum Gum but it will come. It has to..

Today though, I'm going to expunge the dammits..  I was fine to get rid of bread - I'm not a huge bread eater so that one was an easy one.. I will have to make a raisin bread/cinnamon bread for Christmas but that's like 25 days away.. Cake and cookies were sortof scary but whatever (that one I can see the benefits of - flat stomach here I come ;)) but I forgot about my love of cereal. I love cereal. I can eat my Kashi, or cheerios or well any wheat square there is and totally have a meal. But nope. Not allowed cereal. Well I can eat some but so far they have left me about $50 poorer (6 different types only) and no closer to a true substitute. Blech. I like me a cereal that has A LOT of protein so I don't have to eat again until noon. So far none exists. I don't like eggs as a rule so for me I have to figure out breakfasts. Again for my health I will but it's annoying. That's my first dammit..

My second is a dammit, do people with Gluten Allergies have so much money? Or are these companies just gouging the sick ;) I know it's now popular to be gluten free and all but come on. Help a sister out. I'm not part of the 1% but I'm not destitute either. $7 for 4 "granola" bars is a tad ridiculous.  Again I'm trying to look at the positive about the granola bars. My stomach will be amazing ..

It will all work out. It will.. And I'll be saner, and by extension healthier..

But for now it is a brand new world. And although I'm scared, I'm excited too. I've never thought about making coconut flour pancakes before. Now it'll be a part of my repertoire.. Kinda cool in an i'llneverhaveagoodchocolatecakeorcookieorcerealagainway..

A reminder..

2011-04-09T12:39:00.000-07:00

Life is short! Life is random. And we are blessed.

I always think that my dad got the short end, but yet again I am wrong. We are wrong. He got the life he was supposed to have. Does it make it less sucky, nope but we got to say goodbye.

My husbands old friend didn't get to say goodbye to his mom. That is unfair! To be having fun at a casino and drop of a heart attack, that sucks. That's random. And reminds us to live each day!!

Rest in Peace Lorraine. We will miss you (and your wheat puff squares, chocolate cake and every other wonderful confection that you made :))

Rushing back

2011-03-18T18:48:00.000-07:00

It all came rushing back. Those emotions. The hopelessness that you have when your parent tells you that they have cancer.

It has been a bad cancer week for me. 3 more people I know have parents that are dying from this bastard of a disease. 2 dad's and a mom. SHITTY!

I remember hearing that my dad had cancer, and knowing that it was over. I wanted him to stay around but I knew in my heart you didn't beat this disease twice, not when it had moved so much to other places. I remember searching everything about stats and not finding one that was positive. And then because I research I researched what happened next. Progressions. And I remember my husband saying STOP. He's not dead yet. Love him. Tell him you love him. Go over. Talk. Get your shit together. And thinking screw you buddy. But knowing he had went through it just a few short years prior so knowing he knew what he was talking about. So I went over. And I talked. And we talked about the mundane. We talked about my hopes for my kids. He talked about his hopes for me. And when cancer infiltrated his brain, we talked about the fact that Santa was on the roof (the wind was blowing, and he had cancer in the brain and thought I was 5) so we talked about Santa. And I wouldn't do anything different. I talked, he listened, he talked, I listened and on and on it went.

So tonight when I went over to a neighbours house to give her money for the shave a head for cancer that she's doing for her dad .. it all came rushing back. And I couldn't say anything. So if she reads this post, which she might .. I'm going to say LOVE YOUR DAD, don't think of the stats and those crappy things. Think of your most favorite memory of your dad and make a new one too. And hold those two memories really close. Those will get you through some very dark times. And if, not when (miracles happen) you do have to say goodbye to your dad remember those memories.

Cancer freaking sucks. And dad, I miss you so flippen much! But on that same tolken, we are doing ok!

Running .. can be hazardous

2011-03-10T19:13:00.000-08:00

To your butt.

I finally thought that I would be able to get a decent, not great, but decent run outside the other night. I'm at a disadvantage because I have to do most things after 8 when my husband can come home, but I've been dealing with that for so long.. I got a partially decent run in but I have to say black ice is a tad blacker after 8pm or really quite invisible..

Owie, my butt is so sore from falling down. I was lucky that I didn't hurt anything more but I think I'll stick to cycling and running on the treadmill until the snow has fully melted not just partially.

Still standing strong on my weight loss. Now I'm going to get all the rest toned up. By the end of summer, hopefully the beginning of summer, I'll have way less stomach and a much nicer core.. :)

Have a healthy week!

Illness begone..

2011-02-25T12:20:00.000-08:00

So yeah, life this year has been a lot of sickness. A friend of mine said it best about her own kids - one has been without medicine for less than a week since October. Sums our house up completely.

But I'm not going to focus on the fact that Strep throat (can't swollow ergo can't eat) sucks, I'm going to concentrate on the fact that for the first time since I was a teenager, I'm below 150 lbs.. Sure, its from starvation due to the fact that I can't swallow, but whatever I'll take it! :) It won't last, but I almost want to take a picture of the scale because regardless of strep I'm below 150lbs!

Now another word of advice .. I'm full of advice this week. Don't let your children pick off hangnails as bad things happen and the second probably more important one, when you know you have strep throat don't ignore it because your youngest has something "worse" get it fixed because exhaustion hits really hard and when you see spots from the afore mentioned starvation you aren't helping anyone! The whole, put the air mask on yourself first! Why do we forget to do that??

Spring please come!

I give in.. I cry uncle..

2011-02-22T17:54:00.000-08:00

Whatever it is that will make this week/month/year end I'll do it..

We have battled every (or so it seems) sickness known to man short of the really terrible ones this past year. Today I must say it has been the kicker. Brief history .. Emily is a nail bitter. Always has been, betting she might not be one after this long long incident. She ripped her hang nail out on Wednesday, I didn't notice it until Friday. But by then it was ugly looking. Pus, red, irritated etc but it looked like it should be healing so went with polysporin and a germ rinse. Ha. This kid, she doesn't do things half assed. Nope not my kid. She ended with a blood infection. Yuppers. A blood infection. The doctor thought it could go the sepsis way, so we've been on "sepsis" watch all day. I don't think it went that way, yet, but I'll keep watching. After 5 hrs of sleep this afternoon she is a little happier. Not much but a little. So hopefully she's on the right track. Because the medicine that I have to give the little stinker is awful. Had to pretty much hog tie her to get it down her throat. So yeah, I cry uncle. I don't want to deal with the bad parts of being a parent any longer!

Skinny jeans..

2011-02-21T07:48:00.000-08:00

I will never be "skinny" - you know what I mean. I will never be a paper thin model, and that is totally AOK with me. I will however fit back into my good awesome skinny jeans. Oh right I do now! I still have to work on the tummy and keep at it all but I've lost 17 of the 20lbs that I want to lose. Woohoo. I think I'll go shopping today, after bottling wine with my mom.

I've learned something about myself these last 9 weeks. I really like control. I like controlling how much I eat. I forgot how much I enjoy not eating crap. I like a good cake as much as the next guy, but I really enjoy stopping at one piece. You enjoy food way way more. :) I still have to figure out a way to exercise every day and enjoy it. I find that one really tough, especially on really long weekends like this one. I don't enjoy working out with my kids around. I do it, if I have to but I seem to rush through it.

Oh and finally, I really love short hair! I think I lost about 2 lbs of hair on Thursday and I love it!

Happy Family day!

New Jenny vs Old Jenny..

2011-02-11T13:26:00.000-08:00

It is a constant struggle to keep being "NEW JENNY". She's a tough broad. She makes me weight and core train 5X a week and cardio 4X a week. She makes me eat vegetarian meals three times a week - tofu is less scary now and healthy "regular" food the other days - the food that Sal will eat, because as he says "something must die for me to eat it!" .. But then old Jenny, rears her ugly lazy head and wants to have a chip and the couch.

This week, I let old Jenny trickle in (but I was sick) and she found that she didn't much like the fact that new Jenny wouldn't let her have the chip. Yay for new Jenny!! The couch did happen because well I was sick, but even in my sick haze, new Jenny told me to get my less huge butt off the couch and at least do a moderate workout. I did moderate workout of weights and the balance ball but laid off the cardio. Cardio made my head swim, so I figured I'd do more harm then good and then old Jenny could totally pounce. I wouldn't let that girl back in.. So I weight and strength trained! All in all a good week. Now I need to find a cheap or cheaper BOSU ball,because $140 is a little steep. But I'm cheap like that.

Have a great weekend!

It's a miracle..

2011-02-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

Or maybe its just because I've been sick.

But I made it through the week without gaining weight. I actually lost a pound. No binge eating for Jenny. No "just one more" just kept with the plan and tried to eat as healthy as I could. Sal and I went for a lunch date and I had what I figured was a healthier alternative, a Vegetarian burger, but then I came home to look at the restaurants nutritional guide and somehow my vegi burger, had 42 grams of FAT in it - WTH! I could have had a steak and potato and french fries for that. I am hoping it was an error, but I called it 22 Weight watchers points and had a salad for supper..

I'm not feeling all that hot today.. I think B's sinus infection/strep throat incident has finally taken me out. So my exercise will be weights today. No running or biking today, I think it may kill me.

Have a fantastic day!

2 years..

2011-02-06T16:43:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, my dad passed away from cancer 2 years ago.. It will actually be 2 years on Tuesday. I will say I have so many emotions with that "deadline". I can't quite believe 2 years has passed since I saw my dad. On one hand no person should live in the pain that he was in since his diagnosis. On the other I miss my dad. I will always miss my dad, but I'm doing ok now. I'm not going to crumble. I was able to watch his funeral video the other day and watch and laugh and cry. But not sob uncontrollably. I still have some funky dreams, but mostly those are in the past. I remember the great times we had. I remember the not so awesome times, but for today I need to share my last week with my daddy. I finally get this sucker out..

I remember that last week and everything of that week so clearly it is spooky. I remember my mom having to make the decision to move him into the hospice 5 days before he died. I remember him being transported out of his house and thinking that I can't imagine having to make that decision and wishing for my mom that we could do something anything else because I saw it killing her. In hindsight, I know it was probably for the best but I know my mom doesn't think that way and for that I wish we could have found away.

I remember staying over in the hospice on Friday the 6th of February in his old lazyboy chair - probably the worst sleep of my life. But I knew, I knew if I was there he wouldn't die. I knew it. I remember wanting with everything I had to stay over on his birthday the 7th, but knowing when I looked at him, that I had to say goodbye. I had to tell the greatest man I have ever known that I loved him so much, and it would be so hard to say goodbye but I had too. I had to tell him that me and the girls would be ok, and I'd do my damndest to help mom however I could. I can remember with complete clarity kissing him on the forehead and telling him I loved him so much .. and that I would see him again in 60 years. I remember the look of my mom, my brother and my grandparents looking at me like I was nuts. But what they didn't know was that I had went through the same thing with my father in law 4 years previous. I remembered the "death look" because man pre-death has a look. I wanted to be wrong, but knowing that my dad's life was going to end that night I needed to say goodbye. I left the hospice and went shopping. The clerk asked me what I was looking for and I remember the look of shock when I said it was either shopping or getting drunk because my dad was going to die tonight of cancer and I figured shopping was as therapeutic as the next thing. It killed me to leave the hospice that night. Killed me. But I had to.. so I went shopping. I couldn't face my kids. I couldn't face them. I couldn't tell them.

At around 4:20am the lights flashed in my house, the radio came on, and the tv in my room .. I had my legs in my pants before my momma even called. I drove to the hospice in about 10 minutes. It should have taken me at least 20.. But I needed to get to my mom. I remember running through the parking lot of the hospice and pressing the buzzer to get up and saying "my dad just died I need to see my mom" I couldn't do anything for dad now but by god I could hold my mom. That elevator ride felt like an eternity. I saw the front desk and they just had this look, they've mastered that look, the look of I'm so sorry for your loss. I went to my dad's room on the third floor and saw him look so peaceful, probably the most peaceful I saw him in a year. I sat down beside him and cried. And looking at his chest thinking just breathe dammit. Breathe. And the mind plays tricks on you when you see your father dead. You can swear his chest moved up and down. I remember my mom trying, and from what she told me she tried for the 15 minutes before I was called to put his eyelids down. That is a freaky thing. The eyes shoot upwards and the jaw slacks downward. I laugh now, but that dream haunted me for a good 6 months.

My dad, my children's grandfather died on Feb 8th, but he had the last laugh. He made his 62nd birthday.

Dad, we miss you so much!

Traditions..

2011-02-05T09:17:00.000-08:00

I love traditions. This one that we do today, I could live without, however I'm very glad we do it..

A glass (or two) of red wine, a big juicy steak, potato, and pecan pie for dessert. Sounds like a great dinner, sadly it is really for one of the most amazing men who isn't here anymore. Today our family will go out and celebrate my dad's 64th birthday because he isn't able too. So screw you weight watchers. I am not counting points tonight. I am going to raise a glass to my daddy. Happy birthday, 2 days early, dad! So very much wish you were here to celebrate!

Yay made my goal..

2011-01-28T10:26:00.000-08:00

Biked, elliptical, walk, ran and strength trained this week! 5 for 5 baby!

Down 10 pounds. Those were the "easy ones". The next will not be near as easy..

Not really a bucket list..

2011-01-26T17:29:00.000-08:00

We are at a crossroads. Or maybe not a crossroads but a small intersection.. There isn't really a wrong way, just a different way to go. Do I want to be an outdoors person? I think so but I'm not totally sure. I know there are a few things against me becoming an outdoor person, but I think I need to step out of my comfort zone..

I want to be a very active person. I want my kids to be very active people. I don't really know how to be an active person. We camp, we hike but we don't really do anything fantastic or cool.. So, I want to embrace life. I want to experience the thrill of the unknown and the scariness of the out of norm (for me) I also want to experience life. It isn't that I have not experienced life, but I've only seen a bit of it. My fears have stopped me from doing a lot of things.

So I've created a plan. A list of 10 things I do want to accomplish within the next 5 years. Some are pretty simple, some are simple for others but terrifying for me. I'm actually not going to say what they all are here yet but I will say a few are all about embracing this lovely frozen north that we live in.

First on my to-do list. Tubing. I've decided that we will be going to the mountains on the day before my dad's death-anniversary. I want to celebrate life. I want to remember my dad in a way that doesn't really make sense, but makes sense to me. I want to have fun! I want to fly down the mountain in a rubber tube and scream and have my dad laughing beside me.

So in two weeks, the picture you will see will not be of random people tubing, but will be me. Bring on life!

5 workouts in 5 days..

2011-01-26T06:49:00.000-08:00

This is my goal this week. I'm a little late in posting but it's my goal. I'm not expecting to be a super star but I want to get 30 minutes of cardio, plus strength and core workouts in.

Monday - 40 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes core, 10 minutes strength
Tuesday - 40 minutes of cardio and 10 minutes core. I slacked on the strength, my muscles were not all that impressed with me on Monday..
Wednesday -

Now this exercise part...

2011-01-19T07:21:00.000-08:00

So if you've been following along, I am an unhealthy slob. Ok not totally a slob, but yucky enough that on Dec 30 I wanted to throw up because I had gotten so unhealthy, and well fat. I carry my fat in my stomach, I had a whole extra tire that I needed gone. G.O.N.E. It is not gone yet, nor was I expecting it to, but I will say I've gotten the cravings and the snacks and the unhealthy food under control. With that and some moderate exercise I have been able to lose 8 lbs. So drumroll please I'm at 161.2. WOOHOO. 11.2 pounds left to go! Those are all exercise pounds. And ALL stomach fat pounds.

First the food that's a big CHECK

Now the exercise that's a HALF CHECK.

Bring on the motivation!! And hope that Em doesn't screw around with the wind trainer (she's sick today, so I bet I'm ok today lol)

Have a healthy day!

Dear Emily!

2011-01-17T19:13:00.000-08:00

Emily, oh Emily. I love you so much. You make me a little (ok a lot) crazy but what comes around goes around right? I must have really driven my mom NUTS and with any luck your son or daughter will make you want to run screaming from the building too.

On that topic, *note to self* after you see your 4 year old with a part of your bike wind trainer in her hand, make sure you put it back correctly before going for your workout. Otherwise your tires will drop out of the trainer and your momentum may push you right into the wall.. Oh good times.. Not that you ever did that to your mom, no not at all, just in theory.
And finally Em you love your sister, just not as much as you love tortellini. We get it, but when your sister asks really nicely if you are going to finish your food (because lets face it, you don't eat) don't drop a handful of Parmesan on it just so your sister can't touch it. It will make you look like a giant jerk.

You love sleep. You love getting to sleep, not so much of a fan of staying sleeping all night but whatever, I need to pee at least once a night so you are just helping me out.. Yeah your "helping". If you can stop "helping" that would be fantastic!

Love mom

Her saddest day..

2011-01-14T06:57:00.000-08:00

We make decisions our entire life. Some we may later think back and think, darn not the best one. Some we will always think is the right choice. And some we honestly don't know if it was the right one or the wrong one and we just live with it.

At school, B is involved in a super program called "Roots of Empathy" and yesterday while discussing crying and sad behaviour of babies, the grade 1 and 2's were asked to draw a picture with a paragraph on what was "there saddest day". B came home with her homework. She had already drawn the picture - it was a bed with grandpa in it at the hospice, with her little sister to one side, her on the other and mom and I to the left. We were all crying. Grandpa was holding B's hand and saying "I love you". That was her saddest day. Her saddest day was when we were in the hospice 2 days before he died. I had struggled with that decision from the minute I knew I would have to make it. Should I, should I not. Did I bring my kids to see their grandpa one last time? Did they need to have that closure. Did Dad need that closure so he could die in peace? And now almost 2 years later I still don't know. Did I make the right decision? I think so. Because yes it was really sad but on the same tolken even at the age of 4, Bella knew that Grandpa was really sick and he didn't look good. So I wonder. Did I make the right choice of bringing them?

I can honestly say of all, and I mean ALL the decisions I have made in my 33 years that was the toughest and also the decison that haunts me the most. Did I do the right thing? Have I screwed Bella up for life? Or although it was her saddest day, did it bring closure to her? I guess only time will tell!

20% done...80% to go..

2011-01-12T08:38:00.000-08:00

Well I am pleased to say in the first 10 days, I have managed to lose 20% of my goal. I have lost the first 5 pounds! Yay me. With the exception of last night where my child was bleeding all over the kitchen (another story, for another day) I haven't felt like eating the entire kitchen. So woohoo Jenny. 5 pounds gone, 20 to go!

Going for a bike ride today in my living room.

Have a healthy day!

And BRRR.

2011-01-10T07:19:00.000-08:00

I love this city. This city that I have called home for so many years. I do. I love it. I take the good with the ugly. And by ugly I mean the -29C. Today I'm trying to remind myself that its ok. That it will only be a week, but brrr.. When that wind hits ya going 50km/h you can feel every celsius!

When the headline in the news is "if you don't have to go out ... don't" its not a good day.. But sadly for my children, I believe in going to school no matter what. If my car starts, and it did, then sorry kiddos you will be going to school. And since the school board has the same mentality, I have to go truck them to school. The whole kilometer will be tough lol..

Stay warm!

I made it ...

2011-01-08T07:20:00.000-08:00

I knew going into this weight loss journey for the second time, I was lucky. I had good eating habits not even 18 months ago, so I had a feeling it wouldn't be that hard. I'm on the plan, and I find it hard - but not hard in the "there is no way that I can do this in this little points" but I actually have 3 more points then I need. I eat what I'm supposed to lean protien, whole grains, all my fruits and vegi's, and still come short every day by about 2-3 points. I've talked to the plan people and they say I have to eat those two points which seems counterproductive to me. If I'm not hungry what is the point of wasting those points? Anyways, I've decided to use the plan as a guideline, because it is really neat to see how much food I consume in a day but I'm going to listen to my own body which I think is really important too.

Anyways the boring stuff out of the way. I have lost 4 pounds since last Sunday. It won't always be a 4 a week weight loss but those 4 pounds are superb!

I really believe I hate running. I always have, but again I'll do it. I ran about 600 m last night without stopping - which was not bad for my cranky attitude. I manage to run most of the 2.2 km which I'm happy for.

Maybe the goal will be switched. If I can get my body in good shape, a sprint triathalon might be a better choice for me. I can effectively run 5k, bike 40 and then if I am not going to scare people swim 750 m. We will see!

what day is this?

2011-01-06T13:39:00.000-08:00

So I'm going to bore all of you. I know it, you know it and really is it a shock? Nope. But I need to be accountable to me and so I'm writing it down.

Run yesterday, sucked. But it was the first one. I still hate running, probably always will but I'll do it for my sister in law (while hoping she does get preganant and I won't have to run a half marathon lol)

Still doing really well on food. No snacks again last night - yay me. I was too busy consoling my hubby on the crushing Russia win over Canada in hockey. Actually it was more me laughing my butt off at a grown man pretty much in tears.

I went to the zoo with Emily and my mom today and then went for lunch. Wow is it ever hard to find a relatively healthy thing on the menu. Yikes. I forsee a lot of turkey in my future.

Tomorrow is the next run. Going to do some weights today.

It's not much ... but I'll take it..

2011-01-05T06:46:00.000-08:00

2 pounds! Gone. Bye bye. Seeya!

I think I've passed the eating at night hurdle. Yes it's only 2 days but I've NEVER, not even when I was super thin, been able to resist a snack at night. So I'm hopeful!

First run today. It "should" be sort of easy. 1 mile, can do a walk/run or more walk then run. I'm going to try for 2 and 1's. We will see.

Day 3..

2011-01-04T07:07:00.000-08:00

Day 2 always sucks no matter what you say. Day one, you have all the hope in the world. You have a goal, you are excited. Day two, sucks. You just are plain hungry. You wake up hungry, and go to bed hungry - which in my case, causes headaches and shakes and just plain being miserable. But I stuck with my plan. I had one extra snack but it was a zero point snack in a banana and glass of water. I didn't snack at night - which is my Achilles heal. I eat when bored. I had a cup of herbal tea. I still went to bed wanting food but I didn't feel starved, just hungry.

Day 3 is better. Today I woke up feeling much better. I'm not starving. I had a simple a 7 point breakfast consisting of special k, yogurt and coffee with skim milk. I had somehow just gotten lazy and cheap and didn't want to buy 2 types of milk so I started drinking 2 and 1 percent with the kids so going back to skim that part was really easy!

So today feels like a good day. I'll start my running plan tomorrow when Em goes back to school. And then let the fat just fly off :)

Have a great and healthy day!

AODR

2011-01-03T16:28:00.000-08:00

AODR

If you see this post anywhere, facebook etc, just feel sorry for me. Becuase right now, I could seriously eat the ass of a dead rhino. It's worth it, it's worth it.

Again time and life ..

2011-01-03T06:49:00.000-08:00

So this is the year, again. I swore I wouldn't be a stat. I wouldn't be this chick that lost 80lbs and gained any of it back. I did. And now I get to take off 25. So still not the whole weight gain but enough. I could justify buying new clothes, I could justify that I just would rather sit my butt on the couch (because I work a lot, blah blah blah) then go and get off the couch and while I'm there lets have a cookie. And this is where that got me. Oh well. Not going to dwell. Signed up for a running Half Marathon. Going to do it with my sister in law. Signed up for Weight Watchers online, because I kind of want to track what I eat. So there are my two things. Oh I found a run your first half marathon plan so I'm going to go on my first run again on Wednesday. This will be my journal of that.

2011 bring it on! Oh and this isn't a resolution. It was coincidence. I just happened to hit rock bottom 3 days before new years. When you walk not even 20 feet to your garage and slightly lose footing on the ice and it tweaks your back so badly that you can't walk at all, you know you need to start getting muscles again!

Yippee! It's the most wonderful time of the year!

2010-12-17T07:08:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of school for the kids. That means, 2 full weeks of family time. Ok partial family time. Sal's working for the most of it but we think he's off for at least a few days. The optimal word "think". Who knows. But regardless, we have cookies to bake, hills to tobaggan, winter walks to take, snuggle time, pj time, movie watching, christmas light watching just general happy merriment. Talk to me on the 3rd and see if my happy good times are still a rolling. I think so!

Merry Christmas eh! lol

Have a fantastic holiday season to all my blog friends!

Tis the season .. for dreams.

2010-12-09T11:06:00.001-08:00

So I have to admit this. I really can't stand Christmas. No that's not right. I love Christmas. I just hate some of the crappy times that I now associate with this season. 3 years ago in November I was baking Chocolate Gingerbread cookies, when I got the phone call that changed my life. My dad and mom were home from their Phoenix trip and they needed to see us. I knew without knowing that my dad was going to die. Then Christmas happened that year. My dad had his first treatment on Christmas eve and the man who I hugged and wished a Happy Christmas was confident for us, but you saw it in his eyes - he knew. Fast forward the year. I received a phone call on the 7th of December, from mom saying that Dad had lost his mind. Which sadly was true. The cancer had spread to his brain. Crap. All hope was now lost. Crap. Next Christmas happened. We knew it was the last one that my daddy would celebrate with us. I was so thankful that for 1 day, he was somewhat lucid - he called me and wished me a happy Christmas. I remember not hearing his voice for a month and then hearing his voice and crying. I couldn't believe it. The brain is such a powerful thing. He wanted to say Merry Christmas and he was going to do it. We came over to the house and "celebrated" his last Christmas. It was as great as it could have been.

So now 2 years from that last Christmas, I can still see my daddy's face that last Christmas. And probably because I'm not a huge fan of Christmas and its a hard time,and I have pneumonia my brain is giving me a vision I haven't had for almost 18 months. The damn body bag. I hate that dream more than any other dream. I keep asking myself why? Why that one? Why now? I know the reasons, or I think I do. But of all the memories in my head, why do I have to see my dad in a body bag. Let me tell you of all the decisions I made in the last 3 months of his life, I regret most seeing him in the body bag. And even then I don't think I could have not. I didn't want him to be alone the last few seconds in the hospice room. So while they packed him up, I cried for him and he wasn't alone. But damn, if I knew that would be such a huge dream in my life, I would have not.

Now isn't this great.

2010-12-08T08:24:00.000-08:00

I have pneumonia. Great time for it huh. Not even close to being done Christmas shopping and I have NO energy. I wake up, I try to eat, my body refuses food, I go back to sleep, I take my medication, I sleep, I try again to eat, manage to have a cracker, I "try" to play with Emily, I sleep, I try to drink oj because its good for me, I sleep. See a pattern? Oh and I have to be on a plane to Victoria on Saturday for an anniversary party. This is going to be a long month. I will get through it. At least the tree is up. :)

Designated device?

2010-11-25T06:51:00.000-08:00

Seriously? Seriously?

So I've been watching these ad's for the last month and I can't quite comprehend them. I'm not a dummy, but maybe I am?

In today's Calgary herald, the caption is "police leary of personal breathalyzer". Um yeah. This new device is called the "blow before you go" -supposedly you blow into a bag and then the yellow crystals will turn green if you are above the legal limit. Again, I'm obviously not that bright but if you think you should blow into this bag, shouldn't that be a sign that you are probably not in the best state to drive? Sal thinks it would've been a great drinking game back in the day, for a goof. Woohoo lets see how drunk I am, but to use it as a tool to see if you could drive? That's just stupidity. Take a cab, have a designated driver but only use this device as a lark.

Well that makes sense..

2010-11-23T15:20:00.000-08:00

So today, November 23, 2010, my fair city has been awarded a dubious distinction.

We were at 12 noon today the 2nd, yup that's right, the SECOND coldest place on EARTH, next to the south pole today. *It now has been noted of all places with an airport - like that makes a big amount of difference? * Wow. Don't believe me? Yeah I didn't either until I checked around.. Read the article here That actually doesn't surprise me as I've been saying all week it is seriously BRRRRRR.

I don't do well in -30C weather (that's about -22F). It sucks to drive in, it sucks to have to bring your kids to school in - although I am mean and they have no choice. I am cold all the time. But on the plus it will be about 0C by the weekend. Yay for Calgary.

Random things..

2010-11-19T15:51:00.000-08:00

First, to my lovely husband, why oh why did you have to buy 36 rolls of 1 ply toilet paper? Seriously, pay the extra $2 to get decent stuff.

And second, my father is haunting me. No seriously, not joking. Case in point, I've deleted "White Sport Coat, by Marty Robbins" about oh I don't know 30 times from my ipod and it keeps coming back. So dad, yeah I won't delete it again. Why did I have it on my ipod in the first place? It was on my dad's funeral processional/recessional. Gah. Could be worse.

I am blessed.

2010-11-10T13:52:00.000-08:00

Have you ever got so caught up in the weeds that you forget the flowers that grow within? This week I have. I've been so angry and frustrated and just plain sad that I forgot what I have. I have so much to be thankful for that I had to hit rock bottom sadness to see it..

I have these two kids that are amazing..

I have a husband who even though he steals my chocolate loves me and all my flaws and makes me laugh.

I was able to see the most amazing sunrise on Friday.

I have a few great friends, and lets face it, all you need is one or two great great friends. I have a mom who I love so much. I have a dad who is looking over my family (and again, how many can say they have their own personal angel?). I have a brother and sister who I think are great. I just found a recipe for bacon ginger cookies - cookie batter, ginger and bacon can you do better??

You want to know what made me realize all this? It wasn't the smiling face of my kids. It wasn't my husband who tried really hard. It wasn't anything like that.

It was a nutcracker. A cheap superstore set of 4 nutcrackers. I don't particularly like nutcrackers. If I was to be honest, they kind of scare me with their creepy faces. But this set of 4 nutcrackers reminded me of a friend. (not the scary creepy part - just her huge love of them) And it made me smile. It reminded me of my kids, my wicked husband, the beautiful sunrise I saw on Friday. It reminded me that life is like a nutcracker - quirky, strange, beautiful, and even a little sad. And that's ok. Life is kinda shitty sometimes.

And you can bet that little cheap set of nutcrackers will be on my Christmas tree this year to remind me of all the good and bad sides of life. And hopefully the ginger bacon cookies will be good. :)

Angry at such a huge failure!! ..Again and again...

2010-11-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

I'm really angry right now, so please bare with my rant.

GP's have to start getting more aware that a cough is not a cough if it lasts for a long time. GP's need to be aware of all the pre-symptoms of cancer. Including coughs, "colds" etc. They have to learn what to look for what to deal with. Yes the system is overwhelmed but when this isn't a new phenomenon they have to get better checks and balances. The whole freaking medical system anywhere, have to have better protocols in XRAYS, CT scans etc etc.

My momma is losing her best friend either today or tomorrow because her doctor kept giving her anti-biotics for the cough and not searching deeper. She had freaking cancer in every major organ, just like my dad, by the time it was "caught" well f# you it wasn't caught, it was a death sentence. My dad was lucky, he had 14 months. My mom's friend had 3. Three months. I am so angry right now I could hurt someone. I am so mad that someone else that I know was screwed by this medical system and the utmost failure of GP's to look deeper.

You are supposed to trust your family doctor, you are supposed to believe that that doctor knows what the hell they should and that includes scary diseases. I have NO trust any longer in GP's. This is not the second time I've heard this particular scenario, this is probably the 20th in the last year.

So yeah, I'm so sad for my mom, again. I'm so sad. But I am even more just plain old pissed off.

And my last thing, if you have a cough that lasts more than a month, DO NOT just take antibiotics, insist on a full bloodwork workup to check for all antibodies. Make sure that it is only a cough. It probably is, but what if it wasn't?

win some lose some?

2010-11-05T06:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought, man I suck at friendships? Because lately I honestly think I suck. I don't know why I suck, but from the looks of it, I suck! I think I like people, I think I'm a good friend. I'm not saying I'm perfect, far from it but I do think I'm a good person. I'm a very internal person, I think a lot. I come across as disinterested, but really I am just shy. I don't want to say 50 words when 10 will do just fine. Which if I was honest, probably drives people nuts. I try really hard to not to make people mad at me. To the point that I actually take on too much. But I like balls in the air, I have become a really great juggler. I am starting to say NO but that is a very hard word for a jellyfish like myself.

I don't know. Do I really care? One friendship that I lost, does make me sad. One really wasn't a friendship, if I was honest with myself, so I don't but it irritates me because I like knowing what I did. I'm a tad crazy like that.

The purpose of this post? Not for people to say, yeah she's a good person but really just to get it off my chest. I think I'm going back in my bubble. I like my bubble. :) It has my true friends in it.

The rules - or one..

2010-09-20T15:55:00.000-07:00

Isn't there a rule somewhere in the dating/marriage handbook, albeit unwritten but still implied "if wife HIDES chocolate away from all, no one should eat said chocolate but wife?" Ok yes I hid something from husband, which in theory is a "NO" because in theory we should have no secrets but still dammit it was my chocolate. Grr, damn husband. I didn't forget about chocolate, I was just waiting for no children and husband around in order to eat it. Bugger.

Now to find another stash somewhere..

It's going to be a long year..

2010-09-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sat on a school council? I've been to a few meetings but this year with a brand new school, I wanted to be an active participant. Well I will be active, last night I watched and listened. Last night was the first "meeting" and like expected it kinda went sideways fast. But it was very very educational. You found out who needed to be heard, who the talkers were going to be, who were the listeners. These are all pretty interesting. I'm not a talker by nature, but I will speak up if I believe something needs to be said. Last night wasn't one of those. I watched.

I heard about difficulties in parking, walking, gates etc. And they are all interesting. Yes the parking sucks, it does. But really it is my choice to drive less than a km to the school so I take it as it is. Signage, a yield sign was in question but I personally think you can have 10 signs up about no parking, speeding etc but unless people get hit where it hurts - their wallets - nothing will be changed. People are rude. Drivers are ridiculous. I've been almost hit 4 times since Sept 2, because parents-I say parents because they are the ones who are parking and driving on the street in question-are in a hurry and don't think that the crosswalk is for walking. Heck at any intersection, people don't know what to do about pedestrians.

A few things were accomplished that were super positive. The Alberta school council rep will come in to the school in a couple of weeks to share what the school council is responsible for - which like many parents, I really don't know. I've read a lot on the web about it but don't have a clear understanding on how things are run. So that will be great. And yay Halloween will be "celebrated" in an educational manner. So no silly black and orange day - I'm very excited about that.

Now that I've bored you to death ;) What else is new? I'm thinking about taking a hundred day challenge, but I have to figure out what I want to do. I'm leaning towards a hundred days of "inconvenience" so not a store bought granola bar, not a prepackaged meal nothing. Nada. Everything completely natural and made by hand. Has anyone done that? I'm a little freaked out by this possibility, but excited too. I think I would have to put a contingency in it though, I want one night a month where we can go to a restaurant, or order takeout or do something convenient. So stay tuned. :)

Can you say neglected>

2010-09-09T11:09:00.000-07:00

So I've been a very neglecting blogger. I have whims and then I forget, but basically I'm just plain busy.

Summer was a mess of camping, daycamps, kids, zoo's, trips etc and they were all great in there own way.

I got to camp with bears .. granted not the most fun when you are by yourself with two girls. Can we say "crap, girls get into the van NOW, drop your game of monopoly and go" That was fun, and I have to say the closest I've ever gotten to a bear, and hopefully will ever get to a grizzly. Yay.

Went to Edmonton with my mom and the girls. It is always fun going away with my mom. I love my mommy.

Now we are back fully into the swing of things for school. Most of the checks have come out, I've unofficially dubbed the month of September as the "wink and a prayer" month. Because we just try to break even lol and not forget about one of the many checks that have been written.

Bella is in Grade ONE. Can't quite believe it. Emily is in preschool for the second year. We have hopes that she will talk to people other than us. Yesterday, she said 4 words in school. Then came home to tell us all the exciting things that have happened. Kids.

Well there you go, because as some of you have pointed out, I have been quite absent. I apologize.

I'll post pictures when I have a spare second, because what fun is a blog without pictures.

Cupcakes!

2010-06-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

I admit, I'm a huge fan of cupcakes.

I will also admit, I usually am baking the night before a party to bake them. Can't seem to get it through my mind to do it earlier. Ce La Vie.

Think that they turned out pretty cute. I would have cleaned up a few of the edges but its 10:30 and they are for 3 year olds sooo..

Now to find a healthy snack for B's year end party..

When wishing for something..

2010-06-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

When wishing or praying, state some parameters..

I have complained A LOT in the last 6 months about how I would kill for my dear lovely wonderful husband to be at work. And by god I got it. Note to self, when talking to god, make yourself clear. I really didn't mean 12 days in a row without a day off. I really really didn't mean at least 7 more days until one day off. I just wanted normal. You know, normal for construction. 6 days on, 1 day off. This is what I really wished for. Good news though. I haven't killed anyone. I've only thought about running away once. And that was day 10. So we should get out of this construction season unscathed and hopefully prepared for the next winter shut down..

On another note. 14 days left. HOLY SHEEP!

15 833 ...

2010-06-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

Fifteen thousand eight hundred and thirty three dollars.

Thank you! Thank you from the bottom, middle and top of my heart.

With your help the Alberta Cancer foundation is the recipient of $15 833 from fundraising efforts in the last three years from little ole me..

I'm not going to lie, biking 200k is going to be a huge feat, but I am going to do my darndest to bike as much as I can.

Again, thank you so much!

Jenn

Waves.

2010-05-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Its highs and lows.

Its happy and sad.

I have went for a good couple of months without being profoundly sad. Today is not one of those days.

I am sad.

I miss my dad.

I miss my dad.

I know I can't bring him back, I know I have awesome memories. But I can't stop being sad.

I visited a blog today, a blog about a lady who was 58, I believe. She had Kidney Cancer. I have been following this blog since before dad died. And I knew that today, I would read a passage saying she was gone. On Friday she had an infection. And I knew her body wouldn't be able to fight anymore. I was right. I am sad for that family.

So today I am sad.

I am remembering my final days with my dad. I remember so very clearly telling him that I loved him and that I would see him in another 50-60 years and that he could let go. I wanted to scream and fight and tell him to wake up. Tell him that this was stupid. He needed to fight. But then I saw my very sick, very frail dad and I realized he was the bravest person I ever knew. And in that second, I knew. I knew I had to say goodbye.. And it was to date the hardest thing I have ever had to do. So I said goodbye. But I hate that I had to.

I hate this disease.

So today I am sad.

I miss my dad.

I love you daddy.

Snow? Seriously?

2010-05-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

I love this city. Really I do. I've lived here most of my life. And for some reason I always come back. But this year has tested it.

I know we get snow at least once per month here. Which is annoying, but we get used to it. This year has been especially annoying. We are waiting for snow to hit tomorrow. BOO.

Anyways just complaining. Nothing fancy to report..

Biked in the basement last night. Fun times. Two hours staring at the tv being bored out of your mind. Good times.

Hopefully the snow will let up by Sunday so I can go for a big bike ride..

55 and counting..

2010-05-24T14:58:00.000-07:00

I have 4 weeks to go and although that freaks the poop out of me, I know I can do it. I went on my first serious long bike ride today. When I mean serious, I mean not just a quick 15. I've done those a few times but nothing of leg burning heart pumping variety. Today I did a great one. 55km in about 3 hours. So I'm not all that far off my 20km/hour that I was last year.

I remembered something too. I enjoy being outside. I love cycling and love the mind spirit connection that comes with it. I feel happy. I still have 4 weeks until I have to somehow bring forth some serious reserve and bike 200km. But I can do it. I will do it.

Dad and I talked today. Well I talked and he listened lol. Mom had told me that the fish creek memorial forest plaque was up and I wanted to see it. So at the tail end of my bike ride, I went to Lafarge Meadows and cried. Wow, I didn't realize I had bottled so much up. But I needed to cry. I must have been quite the sight to the couple of passerby's. But man I needed it. So I cried. And I cried and I talked. And I talked some more. And when my tears were done, I got back on my bike and biked home.

On a quick fundraising note, I am a mere $400 left until we together have raised $14000 in the last three years for the Alberta Cancer Foundation. Very excited and very proud of that accomplishment. Now if you can help, please do. You can click here and you will be directed to my personal conquer cancer homepage. If you've been waiting for the time to donate, the time is ticking by (because again 4 weeks EEEK)

Have you heard?!?

2010-04-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

I need help. (no not that kind of help, well maybe, but that's not what this is about)

I am coming to you all my blog friends, followers and lurkers to help me achieve the dream. The dream of a cancer free future.

10 more weeks of training and 8 weeks left of fundraising (EEK) and I'm short.

Here is my plea. Over the past 3 years I have raised almost $14000 towards the Alberta Cancer Foundation, and ultimately, a cancer free world. I am very close to being able to hang up my walking, running and biking shoes because after this RIDE I am taking a couple years off the fundraising wagon. I will still be a very active participant, but I will be "crewing" the 2011 and 2012 events and will not need to ~~pester~~ ask for help from a fundraising perspective. However due to tough economic times, I need help this year.

If you can spare a few dollars, please go to

www.conquercancer.ca/goto/jenniferminardi

and help me finish this journey off with a bang. I need to finish it for myself, and my daddy.

Thank you so very much,

Jenn

So can I be ..

2010-04-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

So my hearing is coming back in small portions. I found this out last night.. Yippee. Right? Then I realized something, although I have been in pain for 14 days, I had super sleeps. Why? You might ask. Because when I slept on my good ear, and my bad ear was up I couldn't hear the flippen train snoring next to me.. The grass isn't always greener on the other side lol

6th is the charm?

2010-04-06T14:12:00.001-07:00

Maybe just maybe the 6th medication in 14 days is the charm?

I have been on 3 antibiotics and two pain meds in 14 days. I have been methodical and manic about taking these medications because I want the pain and the infection gone. I have had ups and downs throughout this entire process. I'll be honest, the whining is annoying me, but it hurts darnit! Today I decided that enough was enough and I needed to see my GP. I waited for 2 hours in the waiting room before the chance to see her. Yay (thank goodness, I decided to drop the girls off at my moms)

Anyways she looked in my right ear, said hmph you still have an infection and darn that hole is pretty big. Goody.. Asked which drugs I was on, showed her and she said hmph those should have cleared it up by now. I'm going to prescribe a wowza antibiotic. This will kill every crappy germ in your ear and system. That as a rule would freak me out. But I'm putting my hatred of pills out the window and having this next set.

So now I will have been on 4 antibiotics and two painkillers. Lets hope I'm home free now..

On a good note though, she did say that I should only have to be off my bike for about a week max 2.. Thank goodness for that!

One in 15 ...

2010-03-28T15:08:00.000-07:00

1 in 15 that is how many times husbands are right. (according to the ER doctor in a snicker) And sadly the one time Sal was right and I should have gotten my butt to the doctor, I figured it was like the rest of the time and he was over-reacting. NOPE.

So here I sit, 2 days later with a oozing pus filled ear that has a nice big old hole in it from a perforated eardrum. Did I shove something in it? Nope. Did I ignore pain? YUP. Will I listen to Sal? Nope, I have another 14 times before he's right again. lol

I can't move for the ringing. The oozing is probably the most disgusting thing that I have ever experienced. Friday morning at 3am, I woke up to a pus and blood filled pillow. Let me tell ya, the yuckiest feeling ever. I had pain since about 4pm but it was just annoying and a little painful but I just figured I'd get to the doctor in the morning. Well I did make it to the doctor. I ended up in the ER with a perforated ear drum. Good thing, I was in and out of the hospital within 2 hours and with some awesome drugs.

Now, I'm stuck at home without the ability to go very far. The elevation change between the bedroom and the living room pops my ears brutally so I won't be leaving the house for a few days. That means that I get to entertain 2 children on Easter break from the living room. Good times.

So yes, I should have listened to my husband and went to the doctor before my ear perforated but in all reality it probably wouldn't have done any good. I was already too far gone ;)

It wasn't an urban myth..

2010-03-13T12:35:00.001-08:00

For a long time, I really believed something was an urban myth. Something that was shown but never given. Or at least I never got it. But I am now a proud owner of said urban myth..

I just recieved my very first final grade in my very first class towards my very positive improved life..

A+

I am pretty excited that I'm starting out this new phase of my life with a 6.0 out of 4.0 GPA YEEHAW..

And I had my Med Term class midterm and received a 90%. YAY. Maybe this is the right place for me!!

Have a wonderful weekend. I biked about 2 hours total this week. Will bike for two hours tomorrow. Once to my mother in laws and once to my moms.

My give a damn

2010-03-11T13:31:00.000-08:00

My give a damn is BACK!!

For such a long time my Give A DAMN was busted.

I missed my Give a Damn, but got tired of looking for her.

She was gone for so long, longer then I want to admit, but she seems to be back.

I want to go to the park. I want to go for a walk. I want to play with my kids. I want to feel again!

Found a list of things to do in Calgary with the girls. Some cheap, some not. But I actually went to Spruce Meadows today and walked around, saw some horses, played on the playground. And I had fun! I can't really remember the last time I had honest to goodness fun. I've faked it. Sometimes I faked it really well, and no one knew. I knew. Sal knew. The girls knew.

Yay for GIVE A DAMN!

A point in everyones life..

2010-02-26T13:40:00.000-08:00

Where they have to realize what they are good at and what they are not.

I am not ever going to be able to do anything related to the heart. I hate studying the heart. So many valves, so little give a damn. But that's ok. The hospital is a big place and I hopefully will not ever need to know more than the basics to the heart.

have a final next Saturday, then the following one. Hopefully I can start the next course here pretty soon. :)

Biked the equivalent from here to Medicine hat in the month of February. So about 300k. Happy with that.

Have a great weekend.

I'm a little bit mean..

2010-02-23T15:35:00.000-08:00

*Update* Ok I really am mean. The whole family had the Norwalk Virus so it was bad. So M and A, I'm sorry, and if you need anything I'll drop item and run as fast as I can away from your house. :)

"Have you ever puked so much that you thought you were going to die" this coming from my brother this morning. I guess he did. And so did his wife and even my nephew were not immune.

I nodded. Because that was what every day of pregnancy with both my kids was like. Well 16 of the 18 months that I was pregnant. I giggled to myself when I thought of that. Yup 16 months of puking my guts out anywhere from 6-12 times daily. Oh good times. So Yup, I've puked so much I thought I was going to die.

I do hope that everyone in that family gets better, because it sucks the big one when you are sick and even worse when your baby is sick too.

They went into the rude world of "having a baby changes everything" because when you are sick, and your baby is sick, you just get to suck it up and deal with the baby. Ahh the good old days.. Personally I liked being sick at the same time as my kids, because when you are sick and they are getting over the sickness its a whole lot worse. Kids don't stop. And having to deal with a happy child when you are wretching your guts out is not the most pleasant..

On that happy note, I went to the gym today. Got to see a bright purple unitard. That was fun. Wow! I didn't know they made them in so many colors. I've managed to see a purple, blue and green one in the last week. The humanity.. ;)

Have a great week!

owie

2010-02-22T07:35:00.000-08:00

OWIE.

Not a real word, but sums up what I'm feeling today. (and yesterday)

I'm pretty good at my cardio workouts. Biking, running and walking, but man I suck at remembering the actual muscles involved. So my goal is to do both cardio and weight training. And man my abs, arms and legs are feeling some serious pain.

And to add insult to injury I'm way behind the eight ball in terms of what I could do.

At my peak last year, I was able to do about 150 curl ups, 35 pushups(I'm a wimp) 3 sets of every weight workout. Now I'm crying in pain over 40 curls, 10 pushups, 30 second plank.. Oh my. But I'm going to keep doing this. I hate the flabby. I like the toned. And my girls are like evil taskmasters so with them telling me everyday to do my workout, I won't be able to slack off. I think they like punishing me :)

Oh and one more thing GO CANADA GO.

Saturday Randoms..

2010-02-20T13:04:00.000-08:00

Who thought, "self, lets hurdle down a ice track head first at speeds hitting upwards of 150km/hr" Skeleton is for crazies.. :)

I'm fat. I saw this profile of myself in a mirror today at sears and I honestly thought who is that chick?!?

Vancouver and winter olympics, yes that makes sense.

Dear lord, please let this layoff stop soon. As a family we are going nuts. I need stability in my life.

School is hard at 32.

If I can do this school thing I can get my big house (I'm altruistic)

Happy Saturday!

Busy .. but I like it?

2010-02-18T07:58:00.000-08:00

Training - 1 hr (should be 2 but whatever)
Homework - 2 hours (probably should be 3)
Mom thing - 27 hours,(fit into 18)

Life is good. :)

The devil made me do it....

2010-02-14T17:45:00.000-08:00

I love Fine Cooking magazine. I received my first issue from a friend back in September and thought who would pay 10.95 for a magazine? But, I have to say although it is steep, you can get some fantastic recipes from it.

This is one of those recipes.

DEVIL'S FOOD CAKE!

For the Ganache
1 lb. semisweet chocolate (preferably 58% cacao), finely chopped
2 cups heavy cream
1 oz. (2 Tbs.) unsalted butter, softened

For the Cake
6 oz. (3/4 cup) unsalted butter, softened; more for the pans
8 oz. (1-3/4 cups) all-purpose flour; more for the pans
2 cups packed dark brown sugar
2 tsp. pure vanilla extract
3 large eggs, at room temperature
2-1/4 oz. (3/4 cup) unsweetened Dutch-processed cocoa powder
1-1/4 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. kosher salt
1-1/2 cups buttermilk, preferably low fat, at room temperature
1/4 cup mayonnaise

Make the Ganache

Put the chopped chocolate in a medium bowl. Bring the cream to a boil in a 2-quart saucepan over medium-high heat. Pour the hot cream directly over the chocolate and let it sit without stirring for 5 minutes. Using a whisk, stir in the center of the mixture in a small, tight circular motion until fully combined. Add the butter and stir until it is fully incorporated. Put a piece of plastic wrap directly onto the surface of the ganache and set aside at room temperature for at least 8 hours or overnight.

Make the Cake

Position a rack in the center of the oven and heat the oven to 350°F. Butter two 8x2-inch round cake pans and line each with a parchment round. Butter the parchment, dust with flour, and tap out any excess.

In a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the butter, brown sugar, and vanilla on medium-high speed until lighter in color and slightly increased in volume, 3 to 5 minutes. Lower the speed to medium and add the eggs, one at a time, mixing until each is fully incorporated before adding the next

Sift the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and baking powder onto a piece of parchment. Add the salt to the dry ingredients after sifting.

Using the parchment as a chute, add one-quarter of the dry ingredients to the batter and mix on low speed until incorporated. Add about 1/2 cup of the buttermilk and mix on low speed until incorporated. Continue to alternate dry ingredients and buttermilk, mixing until incorporated after each addition and stopping to scrape the bowl and beater as necessary. Using a whisk, fold the mayonnaise into the batter.

Divide the batter evenly between the prepared pans and bake until a toothpick inserted in the center of the cakes comes out clean and the sides of the cake have begun to pull away from the pan slightly, 40 to 45 minutes. Remove the pans from the oven and cool on a rack for 15 minutes. Invert the cakes onto the rack and remove the pans and parchment. Cool the cakes completely.

Assemble the Cake

With a serrated knife, cut each cake in half horizontally. Put one of the base layers on a cake plate and tuck strips of waxed paper under the cake to keep the plate clean while icing the cake.

Top the cake with about 1/3 cup of the ganache, spreading it evenly over the top. Add another cake layer, top with ganache, and repeat until the last layer is in place.

Spread a thin layer of ganache over the top and sides of the cake and refrigerate for 15 minutes to seal in any crumbs. Spread the remaining ganache over the top and sides. Remove the waxed paper.

Got my groove back..

2010-02-12T17:23:00.001-08:00

15km. Doesn't seem like much. Not in the grand scheme of things. But last night after lack luster performance I went for the largest walk this year. And it was awesome. I found my groove again.

Yay. 15km. 18 next week.

Need a name..

2010-02-09T20:37:00.001-08:00

So I need a new name.

Sweat, tears and bike was a great one. It helped me get through a pretty tough part of my life.

Jenny's story. It is my name after all..

So what should I name her.

:)

time for a change..

2010-02-08T18:29:00.000-08:00

Excuse the mess, I'm cleaning house.:)

Thank you!

2010-02-07T16:09:00.000-08:00

I had another post first, but realized that i didn't want to publish it. :)

So instead I'll say THANK YOU.

This year has been very hard for me. And your support, words of encouragement, kicks in the butts etc were exactly what I needed at the time. So thanks.

Happy birthday dad. You'd be 63 today. Tomorrow it will be one year. One year of firsts. So to all my friends, thanks for helping me get through the toughest year for me on record.

Changes, changes and more changes..

2010-02-01T19:34:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought, self will it ever end?

This has been a very very hard 10 weeks for this family. 8 of those 10 weeks hubby has been on what we still hope is a "seasonal layoff" but with that we are only making the lovely unemployment max which is lets say less then max. But that's fine. We are lucky we expected it so our savings has had a dent but its not demolished. Talk to me in April and it will be a whole different story.

I love my husband I really really do. He's fantabulous but he gets in my way. I like schedules and order and normalcy. But he's a fly by seat of pants kinda guy. So for December I had him working doing reno's. January saw a few more but way cheaper renos and now February I don't know what I'll do. I am sending him on some classes for his work so he'll be out of my hair for a few days. lol So for our savings and my peice of mind lets all do a collective prayer. Please pray that Sal will be back at work in less then 3 weeks. ;)

Now for me. I started school. Yuppers. Through the tech college here I transferred some classes from another school and I'll have a diploma in 18 months. Yippee!! Well I'm hoping for 18 months but who knows. But I started. YAY!

32 years old and figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Yay!

Training is going well. Fund-raising is going well. I was told by someone they couldn't do the Ride to Conquer Cancer because it would be like nickle and diming the same people over and over again. I see it differently. Maybe I'm wrong though. I see it as people coming together for a common goal : conquering cancer. And when I stop doing this, I will gladly put my money where my mouth is. And to be fair, I do already. I put my donation in first. Always. I not only bike the 200k, which is huge, I donate. I donate to friends, myself etc etc. I hate cancer. Ok rant over.

Life is scary as heck right now for us, but I'm confident everything will be golden. :)

Cool!

2010-01-26T14:54:00.000-08:00

Isn't it pretty. I will admit, Bella probably didn't really get the whole olympic torch thing BUT I have to say it was amazing to be able to take pictures of the entire 3 kindergarten class. And to actually hold the torch. Very cool!

11 months, 1 week.

2010-01-18T06:57:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe that it has been 11 months and 1 week since I made this post and then sadly this one.

It has been 336 days (I'm not nuts, I googled it) so many things have happened this past 336 days. All the major firsts, except two were celebrated, remembered and for the most part enjoyed (although a huge whole was in our hearts)

We welcomed a beautiful nephew and cousin into the world. He's a gem.
B graduated from preschool, what a great day.
I did my cancer bike ride. Then the cancer walk.
Went on a vacation with my mom to Victoria.
Saw my babies become 3 and 5.
E went to preschool for the first time.
B went to kindergarten.
Sal built his first major thing. A dollhouse.
We are waiting on B's first tooth to come out.
And now we have two more "firsts" that we will either celebrate, or memorialize. A birthday and a death day.
Life goes on.

We will always remember, we will never forget and it hasn't gotten easier (as so many people say) its just gotten to be a new normal.

Life goes on.

6WS

2010-01-16T17:20:00.000-08:00

Date Night! Do not wait up!

Firsts and firsts and a bike

2010-01-11T07:38:00.000-08:00

It was a weekend of firsts here. First playdate for Em. First LOOSE tooth for B.

It is probably the strangest and coolest part of being a parent, being able to remember what you went through at the similar time. It all came swimming back to me, the loose tooth. And that was a few years ago. A long few years ago. I remember being 5 too.. And my dad saying, I know what'll take the sucker right out. And proceeding to terrify me with the string and doorknob trick. Yeah, um, nope. And then having him torment me with that notion for the 3 days it took for it to fall out. I remember just about relenting and saying ok fine give me the string, and then thankfully the tooth falling out at the doorway - in the nick of time.. Oh the firsts. I'm so very thankful and proud to be a mommy.

On to the main reason of this blog. I have started retraining my body and my mind for the upcoming bike trip. I'm not going to lie and say its easy to restart. It.SUCKS.HARD. But my butt is beginning to relearn the bike seat. And I've restarted walking. Well restarted long walking. Yay. Oh and I've made $1100 towards my $3200 fundraising minimum! Well on my way!

Her first..

2010-01-09T07:22:00.000-08:00

The years are full of firsts. First tooth, first crawl, first walk, first day of school. But this one has me worried. First playdate without me.

Emily is going for her first unaccompanied playdate. Its weird. She's been babysat before, she goes to the neighbours house but this is different. A mom invited both my kids over to play with both of her kids. Well she did get barrelled into it. Because if you know my Emily she puts on the waterworks like no tomorrow. She can sell ice to the Inuit. She can make a 300lb man cry and give in, within 2 seconds. And if you don't know her, her big blue eyes filled with pout and sass can make a good mom turn great and invite my 3 yr old to her house for a playdate. Yup my kid is a evil genius.

So today, both my kids are going for a playdate. For 2.whole.hours. I have 2 whole hours by myself. Yay.

Rude, crude but really funny..

2010-01-06T16:45:00.000-08:00

Saw this on my facebook and have to say, I almost fell off my chair laughing..

"You've heard the saying, 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' Well, nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Maybe they realize it's not worth buying an entire pig for a little sausage."

My BFF is awesome..

2010-01-05T12:56:00.000-08:00

And today is her blogoversary.. So if you have a moment, check her out (and I'm not doing this for the candy she's giving away - I'm not eligible ;))But if you want some kick a$$ blog candy, stop by.. :)

If you are a scrapper, a cardmaker, a crafty person at all this is the blog for you

RIde to Conquer Cancer ... 2010 edition.

2010-01-04T11:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a dream, a dream so real that you just can’t wake up from? This is what the last year has felt like. I keep hoping I will wake up and it will be just a dream. He will be on the other end of the phone. He will be coming home from work. He will be coming to a birthday party. We will see him for Christmas. But unfortunately that is not to be. He is gone. I won’t be waking up from this nightmare.

Cancer took my dad’s life, but it didn’t take his legacy.
His legacy lives on. Christopher Beer taught me what hard work was about. He taught me that life wasn’t easy, but it was rewarding. So in his honour, I will again be battling saddle sores (because lets face it 200km on a bike is sore for this amateur) battling myself and battling the open road for the hope that one day Cancer will be beaten. I believe. Do you?

To donate and to help me reach my fundraising goal of $8000, please goto www.conquercancer.ca/goto/jenniferminardi

Cancer takes way too much. Lets bring some hope back!

Word of the Year

2010-01-03T15:57:00.000-08:00

I was reading a friends blog the other day and she asked the question "What is your word for the year" I thought it would be easy. It was easy the last 2 years. But this year it is difficult. What is my word? My word that will help get me through tough training, tough days, tough memories? It has to be huge. It needs to be all encompassing. It has to be right. I'm picky that way. It has to be right!

So my word of the year ... will be healing.

Healing is not health. It is not acceptance. It is not feeling better. It is in my opinion, regenerating.

Where I was once lost, I will be found.

I. Will. find. me. again. I lost the cool chick. She's been so wallowed in grief, that I can barely find the trees from the clouds. I gained weight. I lost laughter. I lost fun. I lost playing with my kids. I lost listening to my family. I lost so much these past few years. And I want the girl that I was.

Before my innocence was taken. Before I was a half orphan. Before the one man I loved with all my heart and soul was taken so greedily from this earth. But its a fine line. Those things that I lost are also a part of me. I can't be Jenn without Jenn. It doesn't work like that. So I have to find a new me. Not a better me. But a person who is healing. It will take a long time to be healed. But if I can heal, I can be healed.

3 hours 28 minutes

2010-01-02T19:32:00.000-08:00

I'm on the "holy crap, I've eaten so much crap this last month (ok 5) and it ends tonight at midnight diet" So I have 3 hours and 28 minutes to eat what I want and then its great healthy food from tomorrow morning on.

It is a pretty sad feeling when you go into your closet to find not one, but ten pairs of jeans that all are just a tad too, ok really, small on you. Makes you hit rock bottom a little quicker. So I have 3 hours and 25 minutes left..

Tomorrow Sal reluctantly will start the DASH diet with me. Its a great get the sodium and bloat out of your system quickly diet. Sadly you can't make it tasty for the first 14 days but we've done it before and we will do it again.

Tomorrow bike on the trainer for 45 minutes. Yippee. I can't wait.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T09:46:00.001-08:00

Another year has gone by. And what a year it was. Really low low's and some fantastic highs. I'm really hoping that 2010 will bring a lot more HIGHS then lows. Time will tell.

Yesterday I sat down with the family and gave them a pep talk. Its time. I have 6 months (actually less) to get my flabby butt back into saddle worthy shape. Which means a lot of family sacrifices. The calendar has been wrote out. I have my game plan. 3 days bike, 2 days run and 1 walk. Emily was very excited to help me with the run. Together we came up with me running when Bella was in school. Which means she gets to be in the jogging stroller with a blanket for 2 days every week. Which also means that she will get a lot of park time, because I'm not mean. If you have to run with me in the stroller, she'll also be able to stretch her legs after the run and go to park. So an excited little girl was she.

So that also means that you should get your checkbooks ready. I'm coming for you for a donation. Goal is high but the stakes are greater. Cancer sucks. This year alone, my dad died, 2 of my friends have cancer, and my cousins baby is now in remission (she's a whopping 2) So it can hit anyone.

Now onto the fun stuff, HAPPY NEW YEAR! May 2010 bring you health, happiness, success and everything you dream of.

And the band plays on..

2009-12-16T21:46:00.001-08:00

This is what I've been feeling like for a few weeks now. I'm trying. I really am trying. I'm trying to have a good Christmas for the girls. They are what make it so I do Christmas. But I am finding this year tough. Obviously, Dad would be irritated that I would take a little old thing like him dying, and make it about me, but I'm going to. I miss my dad.

So what does a girl do when she misses her dad and doesn't want to do Christmas? She pulls the carpet out of her house, paints all the walls in various shades of blue and grey and has a "revitalization" done to her house. So that is what's new and exciting in this house.

Oh we were supposed to go to Bella's christmas concert, but alas the child ended up getting the runs and it went up and I mean all up, her party dress and we had to go home. It was heartbreaking. She was so sad, so scared and so sad. I started crying to her teacher. The poor lady probably thought I was a nut. I am still crying.. But she has another concert tomorrow so hopefully it was a fluke. She doesn't seem sick at all..

Renos, dad and a sick kid do not make for an emotionally stable me. Ack.

It has been 2 years..

2009-11-26T12:22:00.000-08:00

Since the world crumbled. Well my families world. 2 years ago today, my dad went to the hospital in Phoenix. He wasn't feeling great. He was feeling pretty awful actually.. And 2 hours later, he was told the devastating news. The news that would change our family forever. He was given the news that his left kidney was a tumor and was no longer functioning.. Oh and he had 4 other small tumors in his guts. And oh if that wasn't bad enough, he was going to die. He had to get home NOW. Don't wait until the end of the holiday, if you want to see your family GET HOME NOW. Could you imagine hearing that 2500km away from home?

But today, although sad, I am thankful. I am thankful that my two wonderful girls got to meet Grandpa. Bella will probably remember much more, but even Emily, can point out Grandpa's picture. I am thankful that my daddy defied the odds and outwitted and with pure stubbornness, outlasted the 1 month "deadline" they gave him. We were able to say goodbye. We had 14 months to "prepare" although I must say, nothing can prepare you for saying goodbye and not having a dad in the flesh.. I am thankful that I will always carry my daddy in my heart.

And I am very thankful for this picture. Because it sums my daddy up..

These blogs just don't write themselves..

2009-11-25T09:59:00.000-08:00

Who knew? lol

Yes my bloggy friends, I have not wrote a single word in 20 days. Nothing, zilch, nada. I haven't went onto and poked around any of my favorite blogs. Showed no blog love in a very long time. Why? You may ask. It has been very busy in this household.

I had the flu, my kids had the flu and that was just the first week. Then the second, we were trying to get back into the game. Harder then you would think. And then the third I was making 144 brownies for a Christmas Cookie Exchange. A L O T of brownies. 6 different types actually. Lots and lots of brownies. But well worth it.

Now things are about to speed up again. But I should say that training is well underway for the 2010 Ride to Conquer Cancer. I am biking upwards of 2 hours 3X a week on the trainer at home. Walking lots. The Sobeys around the corner that just opened up has been a godsend. I walk there a lot.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American family and friends. And to those of you who have lost a parent/child/spouse this year, remember to remember the little things that you loved about that person and try to have a very happy holiday season!

The battle between

2009-10-26T19:51:00.001-07:00

vs

Guess which one, won?

good times.. but hey I get to pick out a new phone..

The final .. the last

2009-10-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

HOME PARTY FUNDRAISER I will have this year. And in 2010. I'm out of the home party fundraisers.

But from now until the 10th of November, I am teaming up with a lady from Epicure Selections.

Everything that you purchase, the commission will be donated to the Ride to Conquer Cancer in my daddy's name. Help me reach my goal.

If you can please peruse the catalog at Epicure Selections and support me in my quest to conquer cancer. If you would like to place an order, please email me at jsminardi@shaw.ca and I will place that for you! But if you can't make it to the catalog party, and still want to support kicking cancer's arse, please goto Conquer Cancer

Thanks so much. This will be the final home party for Jenny. I mean it. I really do.

Have a super day!

All about Me.. :)

2009-10-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

Remember this? This post way way back when? About something, something I couldn't talk about?

Well here it is.

I am in the Report to the Donors for the Alberta Cancer Foundation's 2009 Donor Report.

I am very proud of what I have accomplished in this past year. It has been a hard year. A year of triumphs and tribulations.. But I accomplished something pretty big.

Anyways, here it is.

Please take a minute to read the annual report to the donors, and especially my pages. Page 17/18 .. I look cute don't I? Almost like I know what I'm doing?

Have a super day!

Happy Anniversary..

2009-10-10T07:34:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad. I'm pretty sure you would much rather be here then where you are Daddy. Mom is doing crown molding to celebrate. She knows it was your plan to have crown molding in every room of the house, so she asked her brother to come in and do it. So when you look down from where you are tonight, you'll see a beautifully painted room (you taught mom well ;)) and crown moldings.

Happy 39th Anniversary. Wish you could be here.

Oh and Happy Thanksgiving too. I remember last year. You were on the Dex steroid. It was probably the funniest thanksgiving of my life. I have never seen anyone, not even my husband, who you know can EAT, eat that much food. What was it 3 big super helpings of the bird? I laughed and laughed and I will remember it always. And your gooofy, 'hey I'm dying, this could be my last thanksgiving and I love turkey so I'm going to eat it all and more' smile.

Love you. Miss you. Wish you were here.

Whole.

2009-10-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

It has been a long hard road. It has been filled with twists, turns, upside downs and rightside ups. It has been filled with tears, and grief. Laughter and sadness. It has been a long 3 years. If you know me, I mean know me, you know that I have been dealing with lots of stuff. Depression, anxiety, grief for 3 years. That's a long time to feel unwell.

It started with my youngest being born. Something snapped in my head. I wasn't me anymore. I was me, but not me. I was sad. I had moments of happiness that helped with the sadness, but for the most part I was just sad. Then when I "snapped" out of PPD, my dad and our family recieved the devastating news that he had terminal cancer. Right back to depression. Crappy times. Then again, happy and sad mixed together. Yesterday November 8th, was the 8month 'deathverisary' of dad dying. Its funny that yesterday, the 8th of November was a huge turning point for me.

I still miss my Daddy so much but today, I feel whole again. I feel whole. I feel happy. I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel, is just that LIGHT. It isn't a train, it isn't a massive blip. It is LIGHT. And I love the light.

So for those of you who are dealing with similar issues, I just want to say it does get easier. It will click. Life will be happy again.

Life is good. I am Jennifer, and I am WHOLE! I am me again. I like me again.

She gets you right here...

2009-10-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

Driving to dance, 6 o'clock last night, I'm tired, cranky, have been in the car for what seems like ever. And my 5 year old see's Christmas Lights on. Not a big deal, they are pretty. But then like a tornado she hits me..

Mommy, this year I want to have lots and lots of christmas lights on the front and the back of the house. I want all the twinkly lights. Lots of them.

I still think this is pretty innocent, so I say, why honey? (like most parents would) and then I get the bombshell. I was just about to turn onto the highway too, so just imagine that..

Well mommy, because that way Grandpa and Nonno can see our house from heaven. Huge gulping sobs come out of me. I'm trying to concentrate on driving, blinking tears away like mad, etc etc. And then I think, man you are one smart cookie, kiddo. Lets make this year the most twinkly, brightest christmas light display of our lives so far.

So if you are in Cranston in December, look for our house, you'll be able to see it from heaven.

Wine club!

2009-09-27T20:15:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited.
I started a wine club. Sorta like a book club, but with wine.. Good times.
Now I have to find 6 wines, from one region that I want to try. Oh the choices.

We went out for dinner on Friday with some great friends, and found a wicked wine, a New Zealand winery named Cloudy Bay, produces a wonderful Sauvignon Blanc It is a little out of my normal price range, but I'll put it on my table for special occasions.

I'm partial to Chilean wines, so that would be a thought. And we have some awesome Canadian Wineries so I'm not lacking for choices. But that's the beauty of this club. We will try every region, many price points, and just plain have fun.

Now to plan it! Yippee.

If you have suggestions, please feel free to send them my way.

Big day tomorrow!

2009-09-23T15:37:00.000-07:00

My baby will be 3.

3 whole years old.

They have been trying years. You my dear are a handful.

A wonderful, exciting, adventurous, emotional, crazy, monkey handful, but I love you.

To quote, one of your favorite books, Olivia by Ian Falconer, "You know you really wear me out, but I LOVE YOU anyway"

Happy early birthday Emily!

Now, if you can settle down and not be a spaz, that would be awesome. :)

Don't say I never..

2009-09-16T21:57:00.001-07:00

Dear Bella,

When you are a teenager, you'll get to that point where I'm mean, horrible, I never do anything for you etc etc, blah blah blah. But I want to say that today Sept 16, at 11pm in Calgary when it is 32C I, your WONDERFUL, SUPERB, AWESOME, Mom just made 38 cupcakes (in two flavors I might add) for your Kindergarten class tomorrow to celebrate your 5th birthday.. So PFFT. I rock. And I never want to hear, you never did anything for me MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM because I'll just say, read my blog.

Love your awesome Mom.

Did you know?

2009-09-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

Did you know that having two kids birthdays in the same month, when that same month is September is freaking expensive? Did you know that having two girls in the same month is just plain barbie crazy? Did you know that my girls are going to be 5 and 3 in 5 days and 10 days respectively? Did you know that in 10 days I won't have another birthday party to plan in 12 months? Did you know that my house will be FILLED to the brim with barbies in 5 and 10 days? Did you know that I love my kids so much? Did you know that I can't believe my itty bitty babies are going to be 5 and 3 in 5 and 10 days?

Happy September

The Annoying Fundraising Chick

2009-09-09T14:39:00.000-07:00

The annoying Fundraising Chick strikes again!!

It has begun. My 2010 quest to Conquer Cancer! First off, if you can spare a few dollars please visit the Ride to Conquer Cancer website and my personal page here

Secondly, my first fundraiser of the year will be on Friday. Yup, this Friday. Ever heard of Stella and Dot? They are a fab company that create the coolest "bling". Really funky jewlery

My friend Sue is having a trunk show for me, and her commission will be going directly to help me Conquer Cancer. Anyhoo, to help out a great cause, get some bling, please go to Sue's site find me as the hostess Jennifer M and then wait for your bling.

Thanks so much. And I will only be annoying until I reach my goal of $8500. So basically right up until June 2010. :)

Prayer Request Please..

2009-09-08T07:24:00.000-07:00

I believe in the power of prayer. I can't tell you what system I believe in, but I do believe in humanity.

My friend had her baby 6 weeks early. This little bundle of joy is tiny, has problems breathing, and a host of other problems. 2 days ago, it didn't look like she was going to make it. Now things are starting to turn around. But I am asking for your thoughts, or prayers.

Please pray from Ryley the sweet baby girl born 6 weeks early. Pray for my friend Melanie, her husband Jarrod and their two other boys to continue to have strength to get through this incredibly difficult but ultimately rewarding time.

Thank you!

Dad, dad, dad

2009-09-07T10:43:00.000-07:00

Why can't I get "over" this? Seriously, why can I not look at picture of my dad and NOT cry.

I find it amazing that one person can shape my life so much and I never knew it. He was and is my dad. He's the guy that I still want to call. He's the guy I want to say "guess what dad?!" I've done the emotions. I've been extremely pissed off with god. I've been angry with people. I've been angry with dad for dying. I'm not anymore, or at least not regularly.

But why can't I just get over it? Can you get over it? I look around me and know that we are lucky. I am lucky. I have a wonderful family, great kids, a great husband, a home, my kids aren't sick. But I feel like a great big hole is in my heart. And it sucks. It sucks the big one.

We know that dad is with us, as Saturday was a prime example of this fact. We are renovating our basement. Sal and I were putting two doors in. We had a lot of problems. And if I never put in another door it will be too early, but ... we actually heard Dad say, not like that, here give it to me. lol don't do that. Try this way. It was freaky but pretty comforting. And we got both doors in and they open and shut lol

2009-08-28T07:26:00.001-07:00

Today is my mom's birthday. She's old, like really old. Ha. Nope she's young. 60 years young.

Have a wonderful birthday mom.

I know dad is smiling down at you and wishing that he was here. I can't replace dad, but I did make you a rocking Yellow Butter Cake with extreme chocolate frosting. :)

Happy birthday mom. Thanks for being the best mom a girl could ask for. A mom that a girl can only hope to become.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

2009-08-27T14:03:00.001-07:00

I love love love Fall. Everything that goes with it. And while I couldn't admit this when I was a kid, I loved going back to school! Now as a parent, I have a new appreciation for school and I love it for a completely different reason.

Here's a few pictures of Ms B's first day (or really first hour since school is only in for 1 hour the first two days)

Crazy smile, for a crazy kid..

Fairly certain, the backpack is bigger than her.

Her sister can't resist a picture.

Checking out the blocks

And so it begins!

Well ain't that special..

2009-08-25T18:41:00.001-07:00

I put a vacation post up and the darn pictures didn't load.

I'm a loser baby..

Anyways I'm going to figure out what went wrong but in the meantime I give you this.

I am so shocked my kid is going to Kindergarten on Thursday.

I remember this itty bitty baby being hauled out of me with forceps (kay TMI, I know) and now that itty bitty baby is a mouthy, mini me and its freaking me out! She's a pretty cool kid though. Just like I'm a pretty cool chick too. I even made it on a friend of mines bloglist and she doesn't put just any old person on this list. I'm that cool!

But I digress, kid in kindergarten, one in preschool in a month and a mom who has is now a chauffeur. Oh how I'm excited!